Starting a new family is an exciting and yet difficult process. It requires a lot of time, energy and effort. There are many different types of stepfamilies, and each has its own facilitating and complicating features. Often this situation involves various people, including relatives. Every family and every stepfamily is different. What works for one family may not produce a positive result in another family.
First of all, everyone will have different wishes and expectations regarding the new family. Some of these may go unspoken, which can cause problems. For example, grandparents may not want your new spouse's family. Adolescents may not be very enthusiastic about the new family. You, your new spouse and your young children may be excitedly waiting to create your new order.
If all these emotions are not clearly expressed and understood, they may cause problems that cause you to stumble in your new family order. Therefore, it is important that all plans are discussed openly between the people involved. It should not be forgotten that stepfamilies do not start from scratch. There are always various losses for everyone.
For example, for children, the marriage of their parents to someone else may mean losing the hope of their parents being reunited. Moreover, this may be the case even if the parents have been separated for many years.
Giving up all ties related to the old relationship can also be quite challenging for parents. The emotions aroused by separation, divorce or death are extremely strong and are likely to affect new relationships.
If you have not yet overcome these emotions, that is, if you still feel angry, sad or angry towards your ex-spouse, before establishing a new family order. You may need to get expert support. This may increase your new family's chances of happiness.
Establishing the new family
You can't expect your stepchildren to love you right away, but you can expect them to respect you. Of course, you should respect them too. Some losses from stepfamilies, especially children from previous relationships that broke up� � is in question. For example, they may miss having their parents together, they may have had to move to a new house, they may have lost their old room, etc. With the stepfamily, children may even lose their position as the oldest, youngest or middle child in their old family.
One of the biggest difficulties is overcoming the tensions between new family members. Stepfamilies often consist of more than just parents and children. There will be many people involved, such as ex-spouses, their new spouses, and relatives. Grandparents may fear that they will no longer be able to meet with their grandchildren or adult children.
With marriage, the new spouse does not automatically become the mother or father of the child. Parenting duties may still need to be carried out by the child's biological parents.
Children have become accustomed to acting as an adult friend of their parents, especially if they have lived alone with their mother or father for a long time in a single-parent environment. It may be possible that they are. It may be very difficult for the child to give this up, and especially to transfer this position to the new spouse.
Changes may need to be made in the children's contact patterns with the separated parent.
Since each family brings its own expectations to the stepfamily. , old family rules and traditions may need to be reconsidered.
There may be some problems with loyalty for children. For example, when children become friends with their new stepparent, especially if they really liked the stepmother or father, they may feel like they are betraying their estranged parent.
If you became a stepparent while you were single and childless, you may experience the difficulties of raising children. Not being used to it can create big problems for you.
The difficulties of establishing a stepfamily environment may not be adequately anticipated. Creating a new family takes years and requires a lot of effort and effort.
What can parents do?
Minimize changes as much as possible. It can be extremely difficult for children when their homes, schools and friends suddenly change.
Always stay together with your children. Talk to each child individually about your plans.
Explain to the children that this will be strange at first and that it will take time for them to get used to the changes.
Listen to the children's feelings.
Tell the children. Explain that the other estranged parent is important and will always be their mother or father. State that you will continue to protect their rights and meet their needs to love and be with their mother or father.
Never speak ill of the parent you are separated from in front of the children, even if it is very difficult for you.
New Understand that there is a strong bond between your spouse and their children. Allow them to spend time together.
Spend special time with your own children, if you have them.
Do not make the children feel abandoned by taking up all of your spouse's time. However, be careful to spend special time with your spouse. If your relationship with your spouse is not healthy, it is impossible for your new family to work.
Take time to establish relationships with all of the children. Since each child's pace may be different, keep up with the pace of the children.
Try to give children some control over the issues that affect them.
Even if it is a small area or place of their own at home, Give children a certain amount of privacy.
If possible, start living in a new house for a fresh start for everyone. If you live in a parent's old house, it will be harder for everyone to feel like they belong.
Unless the children are very young, agree that each parent will be responsible for their own child's discipline, and do not expect your new spouse to intervene, especially at first. If step-parents apply discipline and this is not the same as the other parent's discipline method, it can cause problems for everyone. However, if there is a specific problem between the stepparent and the child, the stepparent should address this issue. For example, if your stepchild speaks rudely to you, you can tell him that you have the right not to respond to him when he speaks in this way.
To determine and establish the new rules and traditions of your new family. n make an effort.
You may need to find new ways to celebrate other special occasions such as birthdays and holidays. Be prepared to make changes.
Allow children to clarify and organize their emotions. Problematic behavior, hostile attitudes or disagreements may arise during this process.
Remember!
Do not make long-term plans and wait for a week. Do not expect a “happily ever after” to be established.
Stepfamilies are established by the decision of two adults. Children may not feel the same way as adults.
Never fight in front of your children or stepchildren.
Ask yourself why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. remember and take time to preserve that love.
As adults, maintain personal interests and encourage all children's personal interests and activities.
p>
Every family and every stepfamily is different. What works for others may not have positive results for you.
Be honest about your feelings and thoughtful in the way you express them.
Listen to the feelings of everyone else in the family.
Read: 0
