At the beginning of every relationship, couples' expectations from the relationship are about happiness. While dreaming of a rosy relationship, we observe that after a few steps, the relationship slowly begins to be tested with unrest and arguments. Although the dynamics of each relationship are unique, their solution is also unique and special. The place where the problems arise is actually the remnants of the past experiences that both parties have brought with them until then. When a person starts a couple relationship, he/she finds that all the psychological problems that he/she could not solve on an individual basis have come back to life in front of him/her. All the problems that were kept under control until then come and sit on our lap when they find their heart's friend.
So what is the reason for this?
One of the most important reasons for this is "closeness". The most important feature that distinguishes a couple relationship from other relationships is the highest level of closeness. Just like in mother, father and sibling relationships, there are some threats brought by closeness in couple relationships. As closeness increases, the threat increases as past family traumas begin to come to life. Another name for this is "transfer". Couples transfer to each other over time. As time passes, the closeness increases, and the transference deepens, the man-woman standing in front of the person he/she loves ceases to be the man-woman he/she loved in the beginning, and takes on the image of the parent whom he/she had injured in his/her past life, in childhood. The goal is to heal past wounds here and now. In this sense, the couple relationship serves something; To the healing of the soul...
But at the beginning of the relationship, both parties are unaware of this process. While dreaming of happiness, hitting a wall at the first turn can deeply disappoint the couple and cause them to panic. In fact, the process normally goes exactly as I mentioned above and serves a purpose. At this point, the start of arguments may disturb the peace of the couple and cause wear and tear on both sides over time. But the good news is that in a relationship where there is an argument, there is the good news of healing, renewal, and rebirth together. An quarreling couple has hope for each other and the relationship, no matter how angry and resentful they are in the foreground. means. Arguing means accepting the existence of the other person. Arguing means unlearned communication and incompetent communication. In a relationship where there is discussion in one way or another, there is communication and this is very valuable. However, managing the next process becomes an important task for the couple because long-term arguments, if not managed well, begin to turn into big fights over time, which can damage the relationship much more in the long run. At this point, it becomes very important for the couple to get professional support for the future of the relationship.
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