Cheating is undoubtedly one of the most challenging, painful and crisis-creating situations for a marriage. The person who is deceived first experiences an intense feeling of shock and feels a deep injury in his mind and soul. The sense of trust is completely damaged. The person closest to him, the person with whom he shared his life, betrayed him. He is both angry, sad and sorrowful.
Rebuilding the broken sense of trust is one of the most difficult situations in a relationship. After the broken sense of trust, the couple's sharing, communication and sexual life are damaged. Marriage may begin to seem meaningless for the person who has been cheated on. So, does cheating require the end of the marriage in all circumstances and situations? As a couple/marriage therapist, I would like to answer “no” to this question. Many situations I have witnessed in my own therapy office show that if the love between spouses has not completely ended, the couple can reach a stronger and more intimate level of relationship than before by working together and working hard. At this point, we cannot say that every cheater cheats with the same purpose and motivation. There are many factors that lead to cheating.
The most common ones are as follows:
• Emotional factors
• Physical factors
Emotional factors
strong>The cheater often says the following:
“I feel very lonely”
“My partner does not understand me at all”
“My partner is not interested in me”
“We do not share anything with my partner ”
After a while, these feelings and thoughts can lead to distance, create internal anger, and cause the person to meet these needs from someone else. The person is often unaware that his anger, sadness, and accumulated disappointments are directed towards someone else. In fact, he may often even feel that he is in love with this new person, but this person is actually just a figure that meets his long-neglected needs to be loved and accepted.
Physical factors
Sometimes There is a mistake like this in long term relationships. A belief that sexual attraction, excitement and pleasure will remain the same even after years pass. Those high emotions in the first stage will calm down as time passes and we spend time together. This does not mean that the emotions end completely, just that the intensity decreases. If your married life � If it is going on routinely, if both parties have put their sexual lives in a routine form because they are married or together, sexual life will also be perceived as monotonous. This sometimes leads (mostly men) to turn to extramarital affairs. However, if partners can talk openly about their sexual lives among themselves, think of ways to keep the excitement active and add innovations to their relationships, they can have a satisfying sexual life on a continuous basis. In this context, the importance of open communication emerges again. Whatever the issue, spouses should always turn to themselves from time to time in their married life and ask the questions "Are there things I am unhappy with, what are my needs?" and share their expectations and wishes with their partners, if they have any. Thinking "Will it be angry, upset or shameful if I tell you?" and keeping your expectations and needs inside will have negative consequences for that relationship.
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