Stubborn behavior can actually be seen as a power struggle between parent and child. The reason for the war is the conflict of "who says will be done". Marriage and Child Therapist, Specialist Psychologist Ramazan Şimşek explains ways to deal with stubborn children.
While being an individual who is completely dependent on the parents during infancy, when the first steps towards independence are taken with the development of physical and cognitive skills, boundaries inevitably arise. and conflicts arise. As children begin to realize that they are independent and their curiosity to explore triggers their stubbornness.
'I'm in too' message
In a child's development, starting to walk, becoming equipped to explore, handle, and being able to go beyond boundaries is a turning point. In fact, an important part of stubbornness is the "I'm in it too" message conveyed to the parents.
How to approach at which stage?
18. From this month onwards, with the awareness that his focus is on himself, he becomes angry if things do not develop as he wishes, and cannot understand that others may have different wishes from himself.
When he gets together with other children, he may push or bite when he gets angry. When you encounter such a situation, you must immediately intervene and stop it. When it bites or hits you or someone else, give a very short explanation and remove it from the environment.
Do not give in by softening!
Stay with him until he calms down, do not immediately see the funny behavior he will do to soften you and give in by softening (more to come), express your anger with your body language. specify. This may make you think that what you are doing is right, rather than stopping the behavior. While biting often lasts for a short period of time, hitting may continue for a longer period of time. This behavior will decrease as he learns to express himself and sees that an attitude is taken.
Explain to your child in simple language and calmly
Stubbornness, which develops over a period of 18-30 months, can be seen as the most difficult, most exciting and perhaps the most interesting period in terms of testing your style in the first 3 years. Encourage your child's independence Remember that he also needs discipline and guidance. Explain in simple language and calmly why he cannot do what he wants. If he continues to be stubborn despite the explanations, do not react, direct him to other places that will distract his attention for children of play age or younger ones.
Do not say 'yes' after something you said 'no'!
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He may continue to be stubborn, but be more determined than him and never say 'yes' to something you said 'no' to, otherwise you will make the stubbornness and behavior problems permanent. By the way, this consistent attitude is not only yours; Your spouse, the person looking after the child, and everyone else who cares should have it.
Spend at least 45 minutes of your time every day
He needs your love and your time for him. If he cannot find this, he will become more combative and stubborn. Allocate at least 45 minutes - 1 hour to your child every day.
Set play times
If your child is at play age, set a play time every evening and Explain this to him. During your play time, play games that your child wants and enjoys and that require mutual communication and interaction.
Reward and punishment should be used in a balanced manner
Parents' use of punishment and rewards is also an important reason that triggers stubbornness. What we mean by punishment is to deprive the child of an activity he/she likes for a short time. It must be used at the appropriate time and in the required dosage.
It is also very important that it is appropriate for the child's age and condition. If you have made a decision, be sure to implement it. Sometimes parents can get very upset and easily give up on their decision. In the long run, this increases children's irritability and stubbornness. Likewise, rewards should be used in a balanced manner. Giving too many rewards inhibits the child's creativity and spontaneity and causes him to become spoiled. If you think things are getting out of hand, be sure to get support from a child psychologist or pedagogue.
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