“Is it possible to meet on the internet and get married? Even in marriage programs, there is an exchange of electricity and a glass of tea is shared with each other!” If there are no people around you who met, dated or got married through social networks, it is very natural for you to think like this. However, there are many different reasons behind choosing such channels. Sometimes someone with social phobia chooses this method, while sometimes the desire to meet different people pushes the person to try this method. We learned the questions we have about searching for friendship and relationships through social networks from Expert Psychotherapist Elif Zahide Tekerek.
➜ What lies behind becoming a member of online dating sites?
In my clinical studies, I see that there are two different reasons for this. The first is introversion or social phobia, and the other is the desire to have new experiences with an identity that one can never have in real life.
➜ Are factors such as not being able to trust face-to-face communication and physical appearance also effective in choosing this path?
It's not as many as you think. People who are in a relationship and self-confident can also become members of these sites.
➜ Can it be said that the relationships that start through these channels are healthy?
It would not be right to generalize, but the lack of trust, which is indispensable for a healthy relationship, can always create problems and end the relationship.
➜ This type of communication is very common. There is a situation: Lies or misrepresentations. Does it cause problems between couples if what is written on the internet and what is experienced are different?
First of all, it would be more accurate to call those who have this type of relationship "virtual couple". It can be said that a relationship full of contradictions and misinformation already starts with problems.
➜ What is the importance of the feeling of trust in such relationships?
Trust is a must for any kind of partnership. When we ask what kind of relationship we have with people we do not trust, the answer is only "temporary, benefit-based or pleasure-oriented".
➜ So what lies behind the preference and use of online dating sites?
We would like to contact you. By hearing that we are beautiful, handsome, brave, sexy, funny or seductive, we actually nourish our self-integrity. Establishing virtual friendships comes in handy at this point. If his real self, that is, his reality in the life he lives, is not formed in a healthy way, the person looks for friendship with an idealized self on such sites. In this case, he moves away from his family and the real friends around him. As his ideal self and his real self differ from each other, he becomes abstract and soulless. However, we need to give a chance first to ourselves and then to our potential friends, and to turn from the cold blue screen to the relationship that we feel the warmth of and that suits our nature.
Healthy relationships are formed in line with the mutual interaction and desire of both parties. So, how does it make men feel when women are in a selective position? Clara Birien answers this question with the following words: “Perhaps for the first time in their lives, men are very happy knowing that a woman likes them without having to take the first step. In this way, he can make the first contact more easily.”
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