Is there anyone who had a loss and wasn't sad? In fact, we reach adulthood by losing things since the moment we are born. Some of these create intense emotions in us, and some of them we don't care about at all.
We know that the things we don't care about have no meaning anyway. Or even if it has meaning, sometimes the reason for not caring is to replace what was lost with something else.
What about those we couldn't keep?
It's hard to live with their sense of loss, but still, we are not doomed. How do we deal with the pain of separation, the intense feeling of separation; First of all, by living it.
Time passes very slowly when we are hurting. Think of it this way, the time you spend at a fun wedding is not the same as the time you put your hand in hot water. While we don't realize how time passed at the wedding, we count the seconds with our hands in hot water and feel it in our bones. This is the same with separation. Time passes slowly in the pain of ending. Then the first rule is to accept our pain and mourning. We will be sad for a while, we will go to work with swollen eyes, our appetite will disappear, our stomach will not take anything. Because the ox sitting inside us will not allow anything. So how long? We will determine this, maybe a week, maybe a month. Don't say lifelong, mourning is not kept forever. If it is, there may be different underlying dynamics that need to be looked at in detail. If we want to mourn, complete and move forward, we will determine this period as an estimate.
Another thing, do not constantly tell people about your pain. As you explain, you will release the bad feeling and relax. It may be good to do this a little bit, but doing it all the time will put you in a useless vicious circle.
Not to mention the possibility that people will get tired of you.
Try not to lose your sense of reality. If this separation happened, it means that there was something wrong, there was a lesson you needed to learn, see, take from life. Don't ignore these and feel like everything was so wonderful, why did this happen? Because it wasn't.
Don't keep stalking. As you do this, your mind becomes preoccupied with that person. And you make your job harder. Yes, I know it's hard at first, I know you're curious about that person, but it's possible. Try to do as little as possible. And ask yourself this; What do I hope to see by visiting a cemetery?
The nail may not always remove the nail. Don't avoid experiencing your pain and use others as a band-aid. Pain can be avoided to a certain extent.
The last item is the most important, that's why I saved it for last; Past losses and halves.
Which breakup in my past is the breakup I'm going through now a repeat of? What did I want to complete in this relationship that was missing in my past? And I hit the bottom because I couldn't complete it again?
Yes, how difficult it is to live without hope, to accept the "ending" and to question these things, isn't it? Because I know that people still want to hope and always want to have good feelings. However, it's okay to feel that way, we're all human and these things happen sometimes, now it's time to pat yourself on the back.
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