What happens in the relationships we establish with the people we love, such as spouses, friends, siblings, we can no longer be satisfied as before, or on the contrary, we feel hostile and insecure. . .
There are some theories put forward on this subject.
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Defective theory: According to the researches made by experts; we don't get along because we DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. We fight but we don't know how to communicate, or in other words, our problem-solving skills in our relationship are inadequate. Throughout our education-teaching life, no one taught us how to do this. We want a satisfying relationship, but we lack the skills to create it.
Perhaps the most important element of communication, LISTENING SKILLS. Instead of listening to the person in front of us, we can get defensive. We can increase the tension between us by putting pressure on the other party to confirm our opinion. -
Motivational theory: We have no motivation to get close to the other person. We feel hostile, we are caught in the middle of conflicts. Maybe sometimes this can be rewarding for us. It's natural for us to want to have the same attitude towards someone who is behaving badly. We may not want to have a warm and sincere relationship with someone who wears us out.
It can turn from the fact that we do not know how to love each other to the fact that we do not want each other or the other person. We may think that we can receive the interest or expectation we show from the other side. If we do not love and respect ourselves, it will be difficult for us to love another person. If we can improve our self-esteem, we will be able to establish warm, sincere, maybe safe relationships with other people. At this point, separation/divorce for your relationship may turn out to be the best option for you.
Besides, you can plan more enjoyable activities with your partner, return to the exciting times of your relationship and enjoy spending time together.
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