As an occupational therapist, I can foresee that it would not be very possible to plan and implement the process without mentioning the concept of “self-regulation” in my conversations with families. Every time I pronounce this concept, which is special in occupational therapy, I am faced with thoughtful, somewhat deep, sometimes neutral glances. When using this unfamiliar concept, we actually talk about “the ability to calm oneself”. The ability to calm down undoubtedly contains everything that belongs to us that deeply shapes our feelings, thoughts, behaviors, sensory systems and activities in every aspect of our daily life. Thus, “self-regulation” begins to develop in the first months of life. Our experiences of calming are very important to us; As we get older and our conditions/problems change direction, it is through these experiences that we develop strategies and expand our field or learn how much we can expand. Many difficulties arise for babies/children in daily life, and I observe in the clinical setting that this process brings some behavioral difficulties between parents and children when they begin to manifest themselves as individuals at the age of 2 years. The key information is that as parents, we cannot help our child without regulating ourselves. However, it is possible to reveal the regulation as it is understood and understood. We should not forget that the baby/child is stuck in a difficult emotion (anxiety, fear, anger, shame) at that moment and yes, he needs you. As a parent, in the face of a baby/child who cannot calm down and cries, always understanding the situation, observing, paying attention, raising the child's awareness may not progress as we would like, because the person who cannot control their emotions at that moment is not only your children, but you.
Children. When they encounter a new emotion or an action, they may worry about managing stress and planning. The child, who does not know what to do with this anxiety, may show crying behavior; In some children, it may turn into more behavioral problems such as irritability and violence. At such moments, he looked back at your emotion regulation� If you think that you are having difficulties in your life, the best proof of this is to examine the frequency of negative behavior and the way the child expresses his/her emotions/behaviors. He sees unchanging behavior; if we feel out of reach “Are we (parents/caregivers) actually teaching the child?” We may have to look back at ourselves. Since regulation directly affects our synchronization with our sensory, physical, cognitive and psychological aspects by the nervous system, if you want to balance this situation by being aware of the difficulties that unregulated moments create in your life, you should go after your own special times and moments that are good for your parents and meaningfully stimulate your sensory system in accordance with your wishes and needs. . Without forgetting that the soul and body are whole, all kinds of actions and activities where you can experience the state of relaxation should be specially planned for you and you should be able to create your own limit/safe area. These moments can be person-centered, such as yoga, exercises, listening to music, hobbies. Improving the regulation in every part of life and in every individual will be the strongest investment we make in ourselves. Because showing attention cognitively is a special skill that is in every aspect of us at work, at home, at school and that regulation gives us. It is also a great enlightenment for our social communication.
As adults or as individuals who know our calming skills better than children, I would like you to question the behavior from this window: Do you think the individual ends the crying behavior because he/she really faces that emotion, or does he/she end up with the emotion? Is it to end the unpleasant response of the party to this form of communication, or because he is tired of not being understood, or because he has been taught to shut up when he is tired of crying? Whether it is an adult, a child or a baby, emotion-thought-behavior is the essence, but it is an internal cycle that should not be viewed as one-sided. The way you support your children in the moments when they are not regulated is detailed person-centered from the individual feature of the regulation. However, there will be some situations that I will say most as a regulation support tool:
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Easing the gaze by getting down to the child's eye level and meeting with common attention,
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Slow and calm touches/sound,
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“You... You are sad” or “You want to cry” are phrases that help the child gain confidence to help them gain insight into their feelings and make them feel understood...
If you observe that your child has difficulty in self-regulation and you think that your parents are having difficulties in this regard, it would be right to consult an occupational therapist or a psychologist.
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