Hard turns in every relationship; It can shake the system and its passengers and even expose them to great dangers. In relationships, sometimes external factors and sometimes internal problems such as communication problems, coalitions, power and power struggles put a strain on the relationship. It embodies the motivation to make the relationship better, no matter what the difficulty or problem is. So, what can be done to turn disadvantageous situations into advantageous situations?
Although it seems inevitable to have problems in relationships, some people spasm in relationships and can disturb the peace by causing long-term discomfort. While the reasons for the loss of peace in some marriages are clear, in others they may seem unclear due to accumulations of debris. Whatever the problem is, not using the words "separation" or "divorce" during fights or arguments is one of the serious precautions that can be taken. Although marriage is not an institution that must continue despite everything, it is a union in which every means must be tried before separation. In relationships that use the word "separation" as a habit in every problem, it is as if cold air constantly enters the relationship through an open door, and this air flow can affect the sense of security of the parties.
Every couple has an argument cycle, understanding this cycle and intervening in this cycle. It is important. Sometimes even very small things can affect the nature of arguments. A client of mine gave an example of this: "My wife is very tactile and whenever I argue, I always touch her in some way, and I know that if I can touch her, her energy will be balanced and that fight will not escalate." If the same thing always happens while you are arguing and you are uncomfortable with it, do something different each time. If one changes, the other will definitely change. It is especially important to use positive feedback, to underline an issue that is right in the discussion and to say "you are right about this", and to make the other party feel understood by saying the same thing that the other party said. It is important not to act hastily in discussions as if this is the first and last time to talk about this issue, and to have the maturity to end the discussion by planning to talk about the issue again later. There is no winner or right person in relationships; Whoever takes the first step towards the other after an argument is the one who protects that relationship. he is the person. It is important not to fall into the trap of “Why should I always step back?” Because each individual has implicit and explicit roles in the relationship.
When the feeling of anger rises in discussions, taking a break and walking away is one of the most important crisis intervention techniques. It is important for one of the parties to change the physical environment, leave the house if possible, and for the parties to be alone for a while and to be competent enough to self-soothe during this period. Spending individual time getting angry at the other person in detail, thinking about the constant argument, making sentences such as "I wish I had said this" or spending time on what the punishment he will give to him should be like, succumbing to anger during the times we are apart, calling a phone call or sending messages to vent anger, Thinking about how cruel the other party is, etc., and making the sentences uttered in anger unforgettable by thinking over and over again are the most inconvenient post-discussion methods. Instead, the person should engage in an activity that will calm him down; if he is very angry, he should, if possible, engage in things that consume energy, such as running fast or doing sports. If the feeling of anger has not calmed down when confronted again, the conversation should be postponed. However, procrastination does NOT mean resentment. DO NOT leave the bed after a fight.
The most important thing is to keep children away from discussions as much as possible and not to take sides. Especially after a certain age, the number of parents asking their children "who is right" is considerable.
Keeping the topic of discussion as limited as possible is one of the most important interventions that prevent the escalation of fights. Avoiding generalizing terms such as always, never, never, always, as in the sentence "You always do this anyway" is also a helpful factor.
No matter the size of the discussion, one should not physically interfere with each other. It is important for the parties to protect their borders as much as possible and not to be threatening or provocative on this issue. Situations such as not knowing what to do or say in a moment of anger, and blurred vision; It shows that professional support is essential.
If the tone of the discussions becomes increasingly harsh, if the same thing always happens and the couple cannot overcome it, if the physical and spiritual distances have increased and continue to increase. If the situation continues, if the child has tantrums, if there are long disagreements after arguments, it is recommended to seek expert support.
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