Everyone you've dated so far has been the wrong person, right? Didn't you find the right person? So what was the right person, who was he? Let's take a look around and see what we are looking for and where... As the exuberant and passionate days of adolescence are left behind and all our friends are getting married one by one, aren't we so afraid of the feeling of 'I'll marry the wrong person'? And in order not to bump into the wrong person, we can do even more ridiculous things than what we did in adolescence, in the name of being a so-called mature adult. When we get close to the other, some strange problems arise; The presence of someone who starts to know us better reveals to us the fact that we are not as 'normal' as we think. We can only seem perfect to people who don't know us well enough. When you start getting close to someone and getting involved in their life, your own reality appears before you like a mirror. You start to see your not-so-normal self through his eyes. This may not always be easy, as being able to tolerate oneself will require high ego strength. It's not for every brave man. You may feel angry inside when you disagree with each other's ideas and when one of them is working and the other one is lying down and resting. You may have a hard time speaking up when the other person's family is not what you want, when they do not give the reactions you want, when your lover's work attitudes are not as you expected, or when your socialization expectations do not come true as you imagined. The truth is that; Nobody's perfect; Both us and the other person! The lover involved in our daily lives can be threatening to reveal our flaws. It is at this moment that we can get scared and leave the relationship there. It would be useful to expand on the subject of fear here; This fear is not simply fear of the other person or the relationship; Afraid to face our own reality and imperfect aspects. After all, during the years we spent alone, we thought of ourselves as 'good and understandable' people, right? Maybe we are making a big mistake! And the person we love the most and hug the tightest is proof that this perception of ours is not real. Maybe it's the end of years of deceiving ourselves with the fact that we are 'good and understandable'? Isn't it annoying? Absolutely… Let's talk a little bit later. Let's see, how did our great-grandparents get married? For example, they calculated the lands that would be theirs, or they chose their spouses for the kingdoms and principalities they would rule. Reasons such as the other party's family having a big say in the city, the inheritance not being dispersed, and things going well were generally the determinants of marriages. In fact, when you look at the marriage of the Great Leader Mustafa Kemal Atatürk, it is obvious that he got married because he met certain 'standards'. After all, Latife Hanım was a woman who spoke three languages, played the piano and rode horses. From the outside, his suitability for the Pasha could be considered unquestionable. Did it appeal to the emotions and defenseless heart of a brave man who participated in countless wars? Do you think Ms. Latife could embrace him with her compassion in her home, which is her most peaceful place? Were the three languages he knew, the piano he played, or the clothes he brought from Europe enough to give the Pasha peace? I guess it wasn't because, in terms of rules and conditions, the couple, who seemed so suitable on paper, could only stay married for two and a half years. I think the most important thing we should not forget is this: We marry a person, not an image that comes in a list. So what have we been doing in the last century? Do you think we've fallen under the spell of extra romance? I think an understanding of the 'perfect complementary partner' shaped by romanticism is gradually emerging. We've spent years relying on the idea that somewhere out there is someone perfect who will meet all our needs and satisfy all our longings, haven't we? We may need to change this understanding of romance a bit. The person we choose may upset and hurt us, bore us and disappoint us; And we can do all of this without being aware of it and without any ill will. How wonderful it would be if we could replace our understanding of magical romance with this more real awareness before time passes too long. It's not such a magical romantic relationship, it might hurt a little. You may think that an emptiness has taken over you, where you feel like you are floating, in a disappointment based on romanticism. Moreover, this state of unfillable deficiency and emptiness may be endless. However, none of these feelings are unusual, nor are they sufficient reasons for separation/divorce. To whom we ourselves Choosing what we deliver depends on who will present our reality to us; As I said at the beginning of the text, this will not always be easy. You should make choices based on your ability to make peace with your own shortcomings and cope with the feeling of resentment. Simplify life, everything is already too complicated. It's just a choice; A choice of who will give us the courage to 'face ourselves', wrapped in compassion and lust. Your entire history does not have to be the same as the person you choose; Sharing different experiences, walking towards the same dreams together, combining different tastes, maybe love... Maybe not following the list of each other's images, but taking equal steps with each other. Being compatible is the success of a beautiful relationship; It is not a prerequisite. We need to learn to make ourselves and the other happy by always trying to look at ourselves and our spouses with a more forgiving, fun and moderate perspective, with a little romance and a little reality. I wish you all a big heart; where you can forgive both yourself and the other... Now, give a big hug to the person that comes to your mind while reading this article.
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