My child cannot play by himself! … It has become a sentence that parents often say about their children, especially during these epidemic days when they stay at home.
Children who cannot spend time or entertain themselves have become a challenge for parents who work from home or spend time at home frequently. Especially single children or those with a large age difference between them and their siblings have difficulty spending time alone. We wanted to write about this issue in this article.
An addicted child cannot play by himself!
We can show the characteristics of the bond you establish with your child as a reason for this situation. This situation is inevitable if your child is too dependent on you or if your child is in control of your relationship. It's possible that you may feel an addiction to him as well, just because he's so dependent on you. This situation is inevitable if you have been an overly protective parent since infancy, met almost every need of your child before he or she even expressed it, and devoted every moment of your time to him/her since he/she was little. Although the parent's excessive dependency generally triggers this situation, in some cases this clinginess may also occur in the children of neglectful parents. A child who cannot meet his basic needs for care, love and attention cannot separate himself from you and may always want you by his side. Parents who have difficulty in containing their children and focus excessively on their own needs instead of paying attention to their children also have a low capacity to spend time alone.
If your child is in control, he will use it to the fullest
In the relationship your child establishes with you. If he is sitting in the boss's chair, he will definitely use you to prevent himself from getting bored. Every time he gets bored he will either become aggressive or restless; Until you fulfill his wishes... Extra loans that parents often give so that their business lives do not have a negative impact on their children's psychology, or the fact that parents do not reject them so that the child's heart will not be broken or their psychology will not deteriorate, lead to a situation of losing control.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions
Parents' efforts to be there for their children at all times so that they do not affect them negatively Unfortunately, it harms their children after a while. Children lose characteristics such as imagination, problem-solving ability, psychological resilience and creativity over time. The child, who cannot play on his own and gets used to the ready, loses imagination or interpreting the information he receives from the outside world in a different way (creativity). Unfortunately, he cannot maintain his own well-being because he cannot be alone.
The digital child…
The easy accessibility of the digital world, such as ready-made games and visual media, creates easy entertainment for children. . Children who do not need to use their creative side to have fun become slaves of screen addiction by exceeding the healthy limit of 1.5 hours of daily use. Parents who use the screen every time the child gets tense or bored make their children addicted after a while.
Parents who have no hobbies
Parents are also limited in terms of creativity, and if they cannot distract themselves outside the screen, their children learn this too. Children observe their parents from infancy and take as a model what their parents do when they are bored.
Children who do not start pre-school education even though the time has come
Some families do not send their children to school or school even though they are 3 years old. They have difficulty sending them to play groups. This causes children to get bored by staying at home at a time when their curiosity, energy and learning capacity are at their peak.
Children who have difficulty sleeping separately
Children should sleep separately from their parents from the day they are born. Children who sleep together may be more prone to developing dependence on their parents. You can access our article about sleep training from the link.
How much time should parents spend with their children?
The amount of time parents can play or do one-on-one activities with their children should not exceed 1 hour a day. Periods longer than this can create a process that can create the relational disruptions we mentioned above.
What can you do from now on to overcome this problem with your child?
You must prevent this situation and take control of your relationship. You decide what to play, who to play with, and for how long. If your child loves playing monopoly, you can say, "I thought I would play monopoly with you even if it was evening today!" This way, you become the controller of the game.
The second important point is that some tears need to be shed. If you've taken charge of the game and are having a great time, kids will want the game to continue. Putting a certain amount of time and finishing the game will upset them. In this case, there is no problem, it is to be expected. Your goal should never be to make them cry. Your goal should be to expect tears and let your children know and feel that this is normal.
This means that when you set limits on technology, the crying and protests will be intense. Discontinuing technology when time is up introduces many problematic behaviors. Be prepared and clear about this. If you want to make the process with technology healthier, you can contribute to your child's development and create fun times for them by installing programs such as "Mentalup" on your tablet or phone. You can access the program's website from the link.
There is also the drama of getting rid of children's boredom. The more ideas you throw out, the worse the situation gets: The more kids whine, drag out the situation, cry, and beg.
If you've already established a deep enough relationship with your kids (which doesn't have to last for hours), you can empathize with their feelings. It's very understandable for you to set up ("I know boredom is hard"). Then, distract yourself by doing a real job and avoid being stuck in the middle.
The most important issue here is that a 3-year-old child is still very young. You will see more hunger/fatigue/illness symptoms. Children at this age have not yet developed the skills to manage their own emotions. So it's a balance between meeting the child's needs while allowing him or her to mature. Essentially, every child has different needs, and this is expected.
How do children spend time by themselves?
The answer is simple: it is up to their choice. If you have made changes regarding the important situations we wrote above, over time You can observe that the time they spend on their own increases.
We have listed below game ideas that can make this process easier for beginners;
- Treasure Hunt – You just draw the map, hide the treasure in a room and open the map. Give it to your little pirate. Thus, they will act independently of you to find the treasure. They will probably be very happy when they find the treasure.
- Recycling Game – Give the waste in your home (toilet paper rolls, plastic bottles, thread and cloth pieces, boxes, etc.) to your child and use it without any cutting tools (you are asked to cut it). Let him decide what he can do with glue and paints.
- Musical Cups – Pour water into the tea glasses (8 pieces) in decreasing order to obtain sounds from thick to thin. The glass that is full to the brim will produce the thickest sound, while the glass that is least full will produce the quietest sound. Choose thick glasses so that they do not break easily. Then, show how you can produce melodies with soft strokes with the help of a spoon and leave the rest to your child.
- Basketball at Home – Cut all the old clothes you have at home and sew them back into a ball (there should be at least 10 balls). Let your child try to throw these balls into a small laundry basket from a certain distance and have fun and develop.
- Tent Camping at Home – If you have a table with fixed legs, a large sheet or cover, a flashlight and cushions at home, let your child do it. Let him set up his own camp and dream in his tent.
- Balloon game – Blow up a balloon and give it to your child. Let's see how long he will be able to keep the balloon in the air by hitting it with his hand after he throws it?
- Kinetic Sand - Children love playing with kinetic sand because it reveals their creativity and the feeling of touching the sand. Let time fly by like sand for him/her.
- Pyramid Topple Game – Let your child try to knock over the cardboard cups you have lined up on top of each other with a tennis ball. You just arrange the cups at the beginning of the game, and then this task is his job.
- Children relax while listening to music. Introduce your child to musical genres and musical instruments. If possible, buy him a musical instrument. Teach them to play (piano, mandolin, flute, suitable for children of this age).
- Have your child do free painting every day.
- If your child is 3 years old and above, he/she should be able to draw pictures of people. Teach him to draw a picture of a person with every piece.
- Let him play with removable Legos every day.
- Let him create various shapes with soft dough. You can color the dough shapes later.
- Play mental gymnastics games together, such as the differences between two pictures and the absurd events in the picture.
- Let them play with puzzle-type toys with few pieces.
- Allow your child to use scissors that do not have sharp edges. Help your child cut it with scissors by drawing a straight line on the paper.
- Have him play games where he can build towers and shapes with cubes.
- Give your child the opportunity to use scissors that do not have sharp edges. Help him cut with scissors by drawing a straight line on the paper.
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