The first separation of an individual is from the mother's womb. The individual meets separation through this separation. He struggles between the real world and his own empire, the womb. Maybe the newborn child's first tears are a reflection of the grief of the first separation. Otto Rank is one of the leading theorists working on the psychology of separation that begins with birth, with his book "Birth Trauma". Otto Rank; He stated that the most painful and first separation of an individual is birth. Separation forms one of the cornerstones of the child's psychology. He meets an action that he will experience for the rest of his life. Sometimes this action appears as death, and sometimes it is just a separation.
The theorist who studies the psychology of separation theoretically is Margaret Mahler. Mahler accepts separation as the starting point of individuation. In this period, which coincides with the child's toddler age, there is a mother figure who nourishes and protects him and gives him confidence. On the other hand, there is a world that he is curious about. It deals with the confusion experienced between these two options. In this symbiotic period, the child wants to leave, but always keeps one eye on the back. This theory of Mahler can be easily observed by individuals outside the field of psychology. Everyone can easily notice the happiness on a toddler's face while walking and the anxiety after being away for a while.
In the act of separation, as in all other behaviors, a person unconsciously repeats his past experience. Anxious separation based on childhood experiences is a situation that a person has difficulty in overcoming on his own. This anxiety occurs independently of the parent, as we can understand from Otto Rank's theory. As we can understand from Mahler's theory, the ongoing development of separation psychology and the anxiety in this process can be alleviated by parents. If this period is experienced unconsciously and carelessly, the individual will face a psychological problem that is difficult to cope with in adulthood. For this reason, families need to act as consciously as possible upon separation.
Families live with their children during the development period of separation psychology, which begins with birth and ends with the completion of the individuation process. To establish close relationships; If necessary, they should get professional support and follow the resources written on the psychological development of the child.
Separation exists as an action that creates anxiety in every period of human life. As we mentioned in our previous articles, it can also occur outside of the individual's preferences, such as birth. However, whatever the reason, it is a situation that causes anxiety. The word separation creates anxiety because it is often associated with previous experiences. Birth, school, marriage and business life are separations for most people. If the connection with the past life is not resolved, every separation is anxiety.
We have discussed separation anxiety by making psychological inferences of separation from the mother during and after birth. These are not the individual's first and last separation anxiety. When the child reaches school age or if his/her parents are working, they have to be sent to nursery or care centers at a younger age. However, going to nursery, school or care centers does not have the same meaning for every child. It is likely to be interpreted as abandonment or punishment. Because the child is far from reality to understand that this process is necessary for him. Especially in the early days, separation from parents and home is a cause for anxiety.
Whatever the reason for anxiety, it is a situation that harms human psychology. The individual has brought a number of defenses against this harm from his past experiences. There may be situations where he vents his anger, such as crying. In the first days of school, the child thinks that he has been punished for a mistake and directs his anger towards himself and cries. Another frequently encountered situation is anger towards the people around them. This defense can be observed for a longer period of time than the anger-in defense. In this defense, there is still anger created by anxiety. However, this time the anger is directed outward rather than inward. The desire to punish is against the people around them.
School, Anxiety and Child
These situations are not an inevitable end for parents. If the attitude towards the child during the period leading up to the school period is the product of a healthy communication, the child will not describe the school period as a separation. Therefore, this will not create separation anxiety. Another precaution If so, it could be the language used. Instead of statements that will exacerbate anxiety, such as sending them to school or going to school, discourses that will both increase the child's self-confidence and not cause anxiety, such as having them receive an education, will help them overcome these processes in a healthy way. will reinforce a behavior. In such cases, the best way is to get through the process in a healthy way by getting help from an expert.
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