In today's world, everything is faster, perhaps due to the influence of technology. This includes emotional relationships. Nowadays, people meet faster, experience and consume relationships faster, and break up faster with a message. Relationships between men and women are relationships with high emotional intensity. For this reason, people need to be much more careful during a relationship. Sometimes one of the parties wants to leave the path they follow together, according to their own choice. This situation can create destruction on the other party. Whether the outcome of the relationship is predetermined or not, being the abandoned party is often more hurtful than being the abandoned party. A person who suffers from the pain of separation and comes to a psychologist is in a difficult situation and shows symptoms of depression. This situation is normal due to the separation and although sadness is normal, it gradually decreases within 6 months at most. Feeling sad is a natural reaction to a breakup. The most basic thing these people need is to be listened to. If there is someone around you who is experiencing this situation, listen to them without judging them and mirror them. Mirroring simply means saying to your friend who is very sad, "You are very sad right now because you are going through a breakup - you look sad." In other words, it means reporting back the person's emotion as if holding a mirror, but not adding your subjective interpretation while doing so. Another thing to consider here; Is the person really suffering from intense separation pain, or is he or she exaggerating the pain for secondary gain? When the real sufferer is experiencing intense emotions or crying, he is not interested in you, he is worried about his own life. The individual who exaggerates his pain for secondary gain is mostly interested in your reactions while experiencing his pain, and always keeps an eye on you. So why? Because the person has always been valued this way. He feels valuable because of those who care for him while he is crying and sad. That is why he exaggerates his pain, and sometimes even acts as if he is in pain even when he is not. In both cases, what you need to do is to try not to take in that person's emotion and leave him alone with his own emotions.
On the other hand; If you are the one suffering from the pain of separation, I would like to mention a few things that will make your process easier; Even though you say you want to forget him, unfortunately it is impossible to do so. It's not as easy as it seems. The healthiest thing you can do here is to eliminate everything that couples see in common, at least for a while. For example; social media accounts, pictures, items, music… If we come to the reason for this, let's think that there are some links in the human mind. For example, smell is a link, picture is a link, seeing, touching… These links trigger some other links. Therefore, the more you stay away from social environments, pictures, music and objects that will remind you of the person you broke up with, the faster your long-term recovery process will accelerate. Because as memories come alive, the pain remains fresh. If there is a joint Facebook account, one should not use Facebook for a while, should not listen to music that has memories with them, and should eliminate the belongings left behind...
The number of people who really give up hope on that relationship after the separation is very small. Sometimes the person says, "I don't love him, but I still feel sad." Because he doesn't love her, he loves the value and attention he gives. He is getting rid of his feelings of worthlessness with that person. That's why he doesn't need that person, but the feeling he gives. If you miss not that person but the value he gave, there are two questions you should ask yourself; 1) What should I do to make me feel valuable? 2) Who basically gave me this feeling of worthlessness and to whom does this feeling actually belong?
People should express their feelings freely after the breakup. If you want a lasting healing effect, you will express untold or incomplete emotions, you will allow those emotions to discharge. Finally, years have passed since everything has been done, but the person still feels that he is suffering. What to do here is; To go a little deeper into the person, that is, to look at his experiences in childhood and his interlocutors in that age. Did the person experience or witness a separation from his or her close circle during childhood? If these people are found and the individual manages to separate himself from them, the healing process works more healthily. Finally, if people try to overcome these troublesome processes with the help of an expert, the process will progress faster.
Psk. Dilara Tahincioglu
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