What is divorce?
We can legally define it as the separation of husband and wife. Divorce is an unpleasant situation. Both for those who are separated, for the children, and for other members of the family...
But, for those who are separated, it can also be seen as a way out of a clogged tangle of relationships, rather than a situation with no way out. We know that there are many divorces in which both parties do not agree, but even for those who object, divorce can actually be a way out, even if it is not realized at the time. How can the new life be Developing for them?
Every family is unique. Everyone's situation is different and unique. No two divorces are ever alike; Because no two families are ever alike. Life goes on. After divorce, life will go on for everyone. Moreover, divorced spouses will remain "relatives" even if they are no longer husband and wife. The blood bond between them will make it necessary to meet at school starts, graduations, circumcisions, weddings, sorrows, and other expected and unexpected turning points of life. There is no good or bad about divorce; But how to divorce properly, without hurting ourselves and our children? I think it is important to find the way to it.
What are the reasons for divorce?
Marriage, like every institution, is an institution that has problems from time to time, and when these problems cannot be resolved, the result unfortunately ends in divorce. If a new member joins the family during the marriage, divorce becomes more painful. The reasons that lead to the end of a marriage can be very diverse, we can list the most common reasons as follows:
- economic problems
- socio-cultural structure differences of the spouses
- sexual problems
- communication disorder
- betrayal of one of the spouses
- domestic violence
The mother of a couple experiencing marital problems due to the above reasons -As fathers, we cannot expect them to establish healthy relationships with their children; Even if the mother or father establish healthy relationships with their children separately, they will have difficulty in displaying consistent, balanced attitudes and behaviors towards their children together. The negative effects on the child of continuing a marriage with chronic problems that cannot be dealt with, that cannot be resolved, can sometimes be greater and more destructive than the effects of the divorce itself.
Before making the final decision to divorce;
- The reason for my problems and unhappiness is my marriage, I do not attribute other problems to my marriage,
- I did everything I could to save my marriage,
- I made this decision for a long time and without being influenced,
- My wife and I have given enough time to our relationship,
- Our child and I will be affected by the divorce,
- I have the strength to deal with new problems that may arise after the divorce,
- I am only divorcing my wife, not my child (especially for fathers),
- My wife and I both need our child, our child needs both me and my wife, it does not belong to just one of us.
What do couples experience during the divorce process?
- In fact, divorce can also be expressed as experiencing a loss. In other words, a mourning process occurs.
- surprise,
- shock,
- disbelief,
- anger,
- this must have
- helplessness,
- Feeling of shame,
- Deep sadness and pain
- Hopelessness,
- Anger ,
- Guilt and regret,
- Financial uncertainty ,
- Confusion,
- Nightmares,
- Addiction,
- Away from the previous life,
- Desire to be alone or desire to share blame
- Loneliness
- Disbelief
- change in hierarchy
- Insecurity
- decrease in self-worth
- Are there stages of the divorce process?
- Shock and denial: apathy or difficulty fully understanding the meaning of the loss
- Prolongation and protest: intensified memories or preoccupation with the divorce
- Imbalance and helplessness: withdrawal, signs of depression, accepting the facts by neglecting correction efforts
What are the stages of adaptation to divorce?
- Inner conversations
- Clarification - looking at information, options, alternatives
- Transitional chaos
- Adaptation to the new situation - emotional separation, psychological individualization
- What does divorce mean in the family system? It leads to changes such as
- Change in priorities
- Changes in the family hierarchy
- Difficulty in understanding
- Smoothing boundaries and changes
- Transition to accelerated maturity changing roles
- Loneliness and neglect
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