Louie the Menace is 8 years old and celebrates his birthday every year with his loved ones by blowing out the candles on his cake. Louie is happy with the gifts he receives from his family and friends. Apart from these gifts, he regularly receives a gift sweater from his grandmother every year, but Louie neglects to thank his grandmother. Louie, who postponed thanking her again after her last birthday, suddenly loses his grandmother. For Louie, feelings of confusion, curiosity, and uncertainty begin to arise in complex ways. Why not send the sweater to her new address during a conversation? Everyone definitely has an address.” When he hears the sentence, he begins his adventure of searching for Louie's grandmother's new address. First he asked his father “where is my grandmother?” Louie asked, “Where is God?” when the answer was “He is with God.” He continues his question, this time from his father: "God is everywhere." He gets an answer: He says, "If God is everywhere, my grandmother is everywhere," but this answer does not satisfy him.
Then he goes to the church and asks the priest, "Are you the great father?" and asks him for his grandmother's address. Priest: “no, but I work for him. “Your grandmother is gone forever,” says the priest, who cannot cope with Louie asking for the address, “let me call the priest on my first day of work.” says Louie, again not satisfied with the answer. According to Islamic scholars, Louie went to heaven, in Viking mythology he reached Valhalla, and sometimes he may be in the holy kingdom.
Excerpts from the story of the little mischievous Louie, which describes the confusion experienced while trying to understand the concept of death, show us how sensitive and complex this job is. shows. It is very difficult to talk about death after a loss. Since not only the child but also the adult will have lost a relative, the adult may be in the mourning process like the child. The adult may have difficulty talking to the child without upsetting or hurting him and may act as if this incident is unimportant. How the child will perceive the concept of death and how he will react to death depends mostly on the behavior of the parents. Children make sense of death according to the characteristics of their developmental period.
0-2 year old childdoes not have the ability to understand, but separation anxiety occurs when separated from the person to whom they are attached.
3-5 year old child Perceives death as a reversible event. He believes and fears that death passes from person to person, so that others and himself will die because of it.
6-10 year old child sees it as irreversible, ending. He cannot comprehend that he can die.
The 11-13 year old child sees it as universal and ending. It is about the biological aspects of death and the details of the funeral ceremony.
14-18 year old childcomprehends it in an abstract way. He knows that he may die as a result of dangerous situations.
Not every child may respond appropriately to his or her developmental stage because each child is a separate individual and each individual's past experiences are different. Sometimes one child may go through the shock phase quietly while the other may cry constantly. In case of loss of a parent, one of the children may cry constantly while the other may continue to play. Although this situation may seem strange, each child's method of coping with pain is different, but it is common to skip the support phase, assuming that the child playing is not upset. In this case, a child's pain may be ignored because he does not show a mourning reaction, and this should not be overlooked. Children should not be asked to suppress or ignore their pain. Sayings such as asking a child to be strong or boys don't cry are extremely wrong. It would be appropriate to allow him to express his pain and feelings and to prepare him for these conditions. Not talking about the loss and our grief in front of the child, and constantly covering the issue by trying not to upset the child, will cause the child to go through the mourning process much more severely and painfully.
Approach to a child who has lost a relative,
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It should be open and honest. Telling temporary stories will increase the question marks in the child's mind.
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After death, the child should be given the opportunity to talk about death and the deceased. Using the verb “gone” instead of “died” may make the child expectant and increase his/her anger towards the deceased. “What goes away comes back, so why doesn't he come back?”
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Act as if the death did not happen will increase the child's inner unrest. Expressing emotions with appropriate expressions in appropriate amounts under daily conditions will comfort the child. It is important for the child not to neglect the functions of his/her daily life, such as "You are very sad, I am also very sad."
Let's not forget that we are between once upon a time. Wishing you a happy life with those around you...
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