Sibling jealousy is a natural emotion and does not constitute a pathological situation as long as it does not affect our daily lives. According to some experts, brotherhood is competition. Jealousy is a response to the expected lack of attention and affection. In early childhood, jealousy is directed towards the parents and the people who care for him and spend time with him. The child expects attention and affection, has a high need to be loved, desires love, and finds himself in comparison with other children.
No child can bear losing his mother. With the birth of a new sibling, the child moves away from the mother for a while. Because of this separation, the child may experience a feeling of abandonment. When the mother comes home with a new baby in her arms, the child thinks that he will no longer be loved. He despairs of losing the thing he needs most, which is love. The child's main concern is losing the mother's love. After this process, the child constantly begins to question the love of his parents. He had to share his parents, now both mother and father spend a lot of time with the new baby, and everyone around them now pays more attention to the new baby and buys gifts for him. With the arrival of the new sibling, the older child experiences the feeling of being relegated to the background and abandoned. While all these events are happening, the older brother wants to attract attention and starts to misbehave; Problems begin with his friends at school. Jealousy towards the younger sibling continues to manifest itself through common behaviors such as hitting and biting the sibling. Some children do not express their jealousy with such actions: they become withdrawn, stop eating or drinking, retreat to a corner of the house, suck their fingers and play with their hair. Some children behave like babies, talk like babies and ask for bottles and pacifiers. When the new baby comes into the world, the child in the house is expected to become a brother or sister, but he or she does not have such a wish. He does not have to help you in the care of the baby, take care of his sibling, protect him, he did not want this. As parents treat the child in this way, he will feel that he is pushed into the background as more responsibility is placed on him and he will become more angry with his sibling. During this period, children begin to experience adaptation difficulties due to jealousy, and from time to time He makes exaggerated displays of affection, hugs his sibling tightly enough to make him cry, and accidentally knocks him to the ground.
In case of sibling jealousy, the first duty of parents is to spend as much time as they can with the older child and not forget the older one. The child's school life and games should be as taken care of as before his sibling was born. The social relationship between the older child and his/her sibling should be established. The mother's pregnancy has become evident. Before the new sibling is born, the parents should prepare the child for this situation. The child is told that he will have a new sibling and that he will be very happy about it. He should ask his older sibling for help in preparing the baby's belongings and make a choice for his sibling willingly. After the new sibling is born, parents should avoid making comparisons between siblings and treat both children equally.
Over time, the child who sees that his sibling is loved despite his arrival becomes less jealous of his sibling and can overcome this jealousy more easily over time. Parents who treat their children equally, raise them without comparison, and devote equal love, attention and time to all their children can explain this process more easily and more successfully. Making each child feel that they have a special place in the family, reflecting that each of them is valuable, and not being unfair are the most important factors in sibling relationships. Parents need to assign responsibilities to each child according to their knowledge and skills and respect their rights. It is very important for every child to feel valued. The sense of sharing among children should be increased and division of labor and solidarity between siblings should be encouraged.
The healthiest way to prevent sibling jealousy is for parents to accept that this feeling is natural and to support the older child, because his or her world will change, and now his parents' needs support. First of all, a new sibling needs to hear about his future from his parents, not from anyone else. It should be explained to the child with pictures and age-appropriate explanations. Before the new sibling arrives, a gift should be prepared to be given to the sibling at the hospital and the child should be supported in preparing it, and at the same time, act as a big sister or brother for the older child. To celebrate the wedding, gifts must be prepared. It will be good for the older child to choose the shopping related to his/her siblings. Get help from the older child when preparing the new sibling's room and setting up his crib. These behaviors will make the child happy.
When the mother goes to give birth, the child should come to the hospital after recovering a little. When he first comes to the hospital, his brother should not be seen in his mother's arms for the first time. After the new baby is born, parents should spend time alone with the older child from time to time. You can alleviate the feeling of jealousy by talking about feelings about the new baby and telling stories from our own childhood that it is natural to be jealous. Whether jealousy turns into pathology depends on the attitudes of the parents. Since the child's true belief is that he will lose his mother's love with the arrival of his sibling, it is necessary to first eliminate this belief from the child's mind. The child should not experience the feeling of being put in the background.
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