1)What is the unconscious? The unconscious is a source of energy. It is a part of thoughts that are 'manufactured', but the way the unconscious works is different from the way the conscious mind works. The unconscious is also a region where emotions are stored. This is not a 'dead storage' but rather a 'living storage'; Because all the emotions stored/repressed in the unconscious always try to come out forever. For psychoanalysis, the unconscious; they are repressed in conscious active thought. Additionally, examples of automatic processes such as prejudice and the effects of the past on present relationships are unconscious. According to Freud, the unconscious was the repository of thoughts, desires and desires, traumatic experiences and painful emotions that were not accepted by the culture, carried beyond the mind through psychological repression.
2) What is meant by unconscious partner selection why? Many people have a hard time accepting the idea that they are looking for partners who are similar to the people who raised them. On a conscious level they think they are looking for people with positive personality traits: they like people who are kind, caring, nice-looking, intelligent and creative, among other characteristics. For example, those who had an unhappy childhood, because they know this, tend to be more sympathetic to people who are different than the people who raised them. Some of the sentences they make to themselves are as follows: "I will never marry a drunkard like my father.", "No force can make me marry a despotic woman like my mother." This being the case, regardless of their conscious tendencies, people are attracted to people who have the positive and negative characteristics of the people who raised them with unconscious motivational factors. In fact, it is a typical situation that negative traits outweigh.
3) So, what makes negative personality traits so attractive? Our unconscious makes negative personality traits so attractive. If people were based on logic when choosing a mate, they would choose people who compensate for the shortcomings they see in their parents, not those who double down on them. For example, if you suffered from the unreliable attitudes of your parents, the sensitive point of your action is that you are dependent, thus allowing you to overcome your abandonment anxiety. You will marry the best person. However, the part of your brain that is tasked with looking for a mate is not your logically systematic “new brain”, but your myopic old brain that is stuck in old times, and what it wants to do is to correct the disruptions you have experienced by recreating the conditions of your upbringing. Since you were raised in conditions that were sufficient for your survival but inadequate for feeling emotional satisfaction, your old brain goes back to the early periods when you felt frustrated and tries to get you to finish your unfinished work and chooses a suitable partner.
>4) What are the unconscious factors, needs and impulses in choosing a partner? When a couple's history of their dynamics, needs, fears, and distress is traced back two or three generations, this history, traced in detail and systematically, can help understand the couple's individual unconscious histories. What we look for when choosing our spouse is the dominant personality traits of the people who raised us. Our old brain tries to recreate our childhood environment. This is a necessary requirement for the healing of our childhood wounds. Unconscious marriage is a repository for our unmet childhood needs, our unsatisfied desires to be cared for, protected, and to progress unimpeded towards maturity. For example, with an unconscious motivational element, a person transfers his own or another individual's personal characteristics (may be a relative or family member) to a third party, his partner. “You are just like my mother.” His analogy is an example of this. It should not be forgotten that past and present live side by side in our minds. Then, as the relationship progresses and conflicts emerge in the relationship, we begin to reflect some of the negative personality traits of these figures or ourselves onto our partners. This pattern of behavior is typically seen in broken marriages. In such cases, spouses say to each other: “You have changed. "You are not the person I married." they say. In fact, what changes here is not the spouse, but the characteristics that the person attributes/reflects to his/her spouse.
5) What are the unconscious reasons why we choose or reject our spouse? -Most of us tend to relapse into old relationships, even if they have caused us unhappiness. We are motivated to. For example, if you are the person who takes on the savior role in your family, you are likely to choose a partner who needs to be rescued himself or his children. These are called 'repeating patterns'. In fact, even if we 'leave the house', we continue the same psychological environment with the partner we choose. In some cases, we may repeat a past relationship in the hope that this time it will be different. For example, someone whose father is cold and distant may choose someone who resembles his father in order to change and win his spouse (unconsciously his father). -We can choose a partner who will cover our own weaknesses or meet some of our unconscious needs. We may look for a partner who will meet some of our needs that were not met by our parents. For example, an adult who is thirsty for love may have been raised without love and touch as a child. A person who speaks little may choose a talkative spouse. Someone with limited abilities may seek out a resourceful person. An angry person who cannot express his emotions may be attracted to someone who is extroverted and has a hostile attitude. Someone who is rebellious but cannot bring it to the surface may get carried away by a wild rebel. -We may reflect the negative expectations and emotions (intense anger and distrust from the past) that we have suppressed in the past to our partner, that is, we see our own bad characteristics in our partner. Both spouses or lovers can reflect their personal characteristics to each other. For example, a man may project his own depression onto his wife. And with the self-fulfilling prophecy, if the woman responds with despair and weakness, then the woman projects her repressed strength and independence onto her husband. The man reacts logically and confidently. As a result of these projections, men never feel depressed and women never feel strong. While the woman partially expresses the man's depression to him, the woman's deepening depression becomes intolerable for both of them. Now this couple almost hates each other. In fact, what they hate are these characteristics that they reflect throughout their lives.
6) What can we do about these unconscious impulses? By becoming more aware of our emotions, we can identify our anger and fears. work for the moon. Do research on specific periods by trying to recall memories from your childhood. For example, as a child, were you self-sufficient or did you think you were helpless? What expectations do other people have from you? Do you repeat old conflicts in your family? Next, observe your feelings towards yourself and your partner. Ask yourself these questions: “Could these feelings be due to my past experiences?” Could I be reflecting some characteristics and emotions onto my partner? If the answer is maybe, look for more evidence for or against that view. Who and what shaped my self-concept in my childhood?
7) Why are some relationships less passionate? Everyone is connected to their imago (Similar to the people who raised you, you also adhere to an unconscious image of the opposite sex that you have created since birth to guide you as you search for your ideal partner, someone who will balance the parts of you that you repress. This inner picture is the imago. In fact, your imago is the image of the people who influenced you the most in your early years. It is a composite picture consisting of a composition.) may not be able to find a partner that overlaps that much. Sometimes, when just one or two character traits match, we find that the attraction between couples is a little mild at first. Such relationships are often less passionate and also less problematic than relationships whose imagos are well matched. The reason they are less passionate is because the old brain is still searching for the ideal object of happiness, and the reason there are fewer problems is because childhood struggles do not come to the fore so much. Couples who come together with a weak Imago match usually break up due to lack of interest, such couples do not suffer much. They make sentences like "There wasn't much going well" or "I was feeling uneasy, I thought I would have a better experience somehow."
8) In this case, the right imago match would make lightning love Can we say that it gives birth? Partly it is. If we talk about the anatomy of unconscious love, we can attribute the reason why we have such good feelings at the beginning of a relationship to a part of our brain that we finally find someone who will look after us and give us a chance to regain our original integrity. “Know "I know, we've just met, but I feel like I've known you before." This is not a random sentence that lovers say to praise each other. When we remember that when people fall in love, they choose someone who resembles the people who raised them, the first sentence in which the lovers express their strange feeling of knowing each other before loses its mystery. This feeling of déjà vu is based on the unconscious feeling of connection between the people who care for them and their partners. Again, from an unconscious perspective, experiencing passionate love is equivalent to being a baby in the mother's arms. If we have the chance to observe a pair of lovers, we will see that these two people experience an instinctive bonding process similar to a mother's attachment to her newborn baby. They kiss and snuggle, say childish things, and call each other little special names that they get bored of being repeated in public. They touch each other, caress each other and admire every square inch of each other's body. They adore each other, similar to the intense love their mothers feel for their babies. Of course, it goes without saying that all these pleasurable regression behaviors enchant the old brain. Lovers say, "I will love you like no one else has." Sentences like this are interpreted by the unconscious mind as "there are no parents anymore." It means. Lovers say to each other, “When I am with you, I feel whole and complete.” When they say this, they are admitting that they have unknowingly chosen someone who represents certain parts of their being that were cut out in childhood. Thus, they rediscover their lost essence. Someone who grew up suppressing their emotions is an unusually expressive person; Someone who was not allowed to be at peace with his sexuality while growing up chooses someone who is free and whose sexual desires are at the forefront. And when two people with complementary personality traits fall in love, it suddenly feels like a huge burden has been lifted off of them.
9) So, does love heal people? With love, people take control of all their fears for a while. They believe that love will heal them and bring them to wholeness, just as you said. Even the friendship of couples is unique
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