Just because there is one Beatles doesn't mean others shouldn't make music.” Although perfectionism today is associated with positive characteristics such as perfection and achieving the best and highest goals, the desire to achieve perfection in a world without perfection can lead us into traps that we are not aware of.
Thomas Curran from the University of Bath and St. The meta-analysis study conducted by Andrew Hill from St. John's University reveals that the perfectionist attitude has been increasing among university students between 1989 and 2016 (*).
One of the reasons for the perfectionist tendency is individual competitiveness
The fact that university students have higher expectations from both themselves and others has turned perfectionism into a shield they use to avoid failure.
While the perfectionist individual sets unrealistic, unattainable high goals and standards, he also tries to achieve the perfection he has set and does not allow himself to make the slightest mistake on this path. At the end of this, an imperfect job, an unattainable goal, and the smallest mistake are paired with a worthless, unsuccessful, and ashamed self.
The individual who desperately tries to achieve perfection finds himself in a cycle of anxiety, stress, and depression. As he loses his self-confidence, he begins to postpone everything he does and every step he takes, because anything that does not result in perfection and the best is not worth trying. This completely destroys efficiency, healthy growth and development.
Talking about what perfectionism is not can give us different clues on the subject and help us distinguish between what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
What is perfectionism not?
Perfectionism is not the individual's effort to do the best to achieve his goals. On the contrary, being passionate, determined and ambitious and struggling to do the best in order to achieve our goals indicates a healthy development and progress.
Perfectionism is not related to aiming for the best. We all want and desire what is best for ourselves. Perfectionists are the highest While aiming for standards, he also sets unrealistic expectations and tries to achieve what is impossible. As a result, the person finds himself in high anxiety and depression as a result of an unachieved goal or the slightest mistake made.
Perfectionism is about having unrealistic, unattainable goals and standards rather than having high standards. It is a way of thinking rather than a way of behaving. It is about your relationship with yourself.
Another common misconception about perfectionism is the perception that you can only be successful if you are a perfectionist. So how accurate is this perception?
The relationship between perfectionism and success
The results of research examining the effect of perfectionism on business life reveal that there is no relationship between perfectionism and performance (* *). In other words, employees who are perfectionists do not have an advantage in terms of performance over successful employees who do not have perfectionist tendencies.
On the other hand, it has been shown that perfectionism negatively affects both institutions and employees and invites high stress, burnout syndrome, depression and anxiety disorders. . It is of great importance for managers to emphasize "working well enough" rather than perfection, while protecting the mental health of employees and the efficiency of institutions.
Cognitive distortions and behaviors seen in perfectionist people
1. All-or-nothing thinking
All-or-nothing thinking is one of the most prominent cognitive distortions seen in perfectionist individuals. For you, something is either right or wrong, perfect or terrible, a complete failure or a complete success. For example, a performance that is not 10 out of 10 is perceived as a complete failure because perfectionist people perceive life as black and white, there is no room for gray.
The all-or-nothing idea is one of the most important factors that push perfectionist individuals to failure, contrary to what they think. Even if a person reaches the highest standard he has set, instead of seeing himself as successful, he thinks that this is due to luck and that the goal he has set is not high enough. At the end of this, he It sets goals that are even more difficult to achieve and enters into a vicious circle.
In this context, the all-or-nothing way of thinking causes perfectionist individuals to focus only on the goal. In other words, the person only focuses on whether the result is successful or not, and does not accept the roughness and errors in the process. However, people who can see the perfection in imperfection focus not only on their destination but also on how they got there, and thus enjoy the entire journey. Focusing only on your destination prevents you from trying new things.
Sentences frequently used by perfectionist individuals:
“It must be perfect or not at all.”
“The best in every field. I have to do better.”
“If I break my diet once, it means my entire diet plan is broken.”
“If I'm not the best, I'm a complete failure.”
2. Overgeneralization
Overgeneralization is when perfectionist people feel completely inadequate as an individual when they cannot achieve their goals. For example; Let's take a dinner that you made a lot of effort to make perfect.
Perfectionists generalize that if there is the slightest flaw in the meal they cook, it is like failing at a dinner party. Then they overgeneralize this and think that they have failed as a person. A person's inability to distance himself from his own worth and his actions results in him criticizing himself harshly when he fails to achieve a goal. This is one of the most important factors that drives perfectionist people to depression and anxiety.
3. Fear of disapproval
Perfectionists believe that they will only be accepted by people if they are perfect. In this context, perfectionism becomes a shield that individuals use to escape failure and criticism. They have built their self on their success, and anything that is not perfect means an imperfect self. When they are not successful, they feel ashamed and give up early.
4. Fear of making mistakes
They believe that they have to make no mistakes in order to be accepted, loved or admired. He believes that his own values are determined by the approval of others and that this can only be achieved by being perfect. s. So, “If I make no mistakes and am perfect, people will accept me so I won't feel ashamed.” They get into a vicious circle that they don't realize. A person who never gives himself the luxury of making mistakes does not know how to deal with flaws and roughnesses.
5. Avoidance and procrastination
Perfectionist people do not try anything that they think they will not be perfect at because they are afraid of facing failure, and they constantly postpone the work they will do. Constantly aiming for perfection prevents them from taking steps, starting a business and trying new things. “If I'm not going to do it perfectly, it's not worth trying.” The idea is extremely common.
Ways to deal with the awareness of perfectionism
To be successful, you do not need to be a perfectionist, but you need to accept that failure and making mistakes are inevitable in every journey. It is important to allow yourself to make mistakes in order to see the perfection in the imperfection and to cope with it.
We know that perfectionist individuals compare themselves with others, criticize themselves heavily for their smallest mistakes, and this critical inner voice leads to depression. So, is there a method to weaken the link between perfectionism and depression?
Self-compassion practices
The research conducted by Madeleine Ferrari from Australian Catholic University and her colleagues shows that self-compassion protects perfectionist individuals from depression. It reveals that the relationship between perfectionism and depression weakens in both adulthood and adolescence. (***)
Self-compassion is the kindness and tolerance an individual feels towards himself. It is accepting one's mistakes and inadequacies without judgment. It is his ability to see the positive and negative events he experiences as a part of life and being human.
Perfectionist individuals feel inadequate and worthless as a result of the slightest mistake. In this context, self-compassion enables the individual to accept his weaknesses and take a non-judgmental attitude towards his shortcomings. Instead of criticizing himself harshly in the face of his shortcomings, the person has a more flexible and tolerant perspective.
Practicing self-compassion. Rather than changing the person's relationship with perfectionist thoughts, these aims to help the individual accept his thoughts as they are and establish a healthier relationship with himself. Accepting that flaws, difficulties and mistakes are universal helps a person to be more understanding, tolerant and non-judgmental towards himself.
Being able to feel the compassion we feel for others helps us cope with difficult emotions and establish a healthier relationship with ourselves. It helps. This reduces the negative effects of perfectionism tendency on the individual.
Enjoy failing, making mistakes, not being perfect, and love, accept and forgive yourself on this journey along with the meanings you gain. Remember, perfect is the enemy of good.
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