Couples, who desperately come out of the great turmoil they lived before marriage, are likely to experience certain problems when they start sharing the same house. Couples who have grown up in two different families and cultures, while determining the rules in the family they have established, determining the power balance, adapting to new relationships such as mother-in-law and father-in-law, determining the way of domestic communication, deciding on a new member to join the family, and parental attitudes about how they want to raise the new member. They often disagree when making decisions, determining the desires and limits of their sexual relationships, and talking about friendships. Let's take a closer look at the first of these factors that caused the disagreement.
1. Problems that may arise while determining the rules in the newly established family
Morning departure times, whether breakfast will be served on the weekdays, what will be the task sharing of the spouses in housework, whether there will be helper support for cooking and cleaning, dinner time Situations such as home cooking or eating out, if it will be mixed, how many times a week or a month will be applied, who will cover the bed/who will cover the bed on which day can create a wide spectrum of problems. The situation that creates the most problems between couples is related to task sharing. Among the sentences I heard at the clinic, that women constantly repeat, are the following:
"I do all the work."
"I deal with cooking and cleaning from morning to night, he does not put his hand on anything." “If he picks up a plate while clearing the table, at least he picks up his own plate.”
"Am I always going to throw your dirty socks in the basket, just bend over and pick them up from the ground." "Am I the only one sleeping in bed and he'll change the linens in a day?"
Men often use sentences like these:
"I'm used to having breakfast in the morning, but I eat pastries every day because my wife gets up late." “I'm used to home cooking, we always eat out and it bothers me.” "Men are not allowed to do any work in us, but my wife wants me to never sit down."
“He wants me to come home as soon as I get off work, I don't want to go home without hanging out with my friends for an hour.”
"He wants help with cleaning, what would happen if he stayed at home all day and did it? Do we have to spend money?” “My hair is falling out in the bathroom, what should I do, should I collect it one by one or go around with a bonnet at home?
"In the house, people talk about unfinished business, and when I want to help, they don't like what I do."
In fact, we can clearly see that in all of these sentences, they did not listen to each other, did not talk about the new order in the house, and that the boundaries were not determined. Failure to discuss these rules clearly may cause the responsibility to be placed on a single person in the future, and this may reduce that person's tolerance and lead to larger discussions.
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