In this compilation I have prepared, I have touched upon different theories to examine the subject of "love". The introduction of the review will start with Freud and Maslow's theories of love and gradually move towards the love between mother and child. My aim in this review is to try to show the role of the bond of love between the mother and the child in the personality development of the child.
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Sigmund Freud
“Freud considers love as the "reflection and exaltation of the sexual instinct" . According to Freud, the life instinct (Eros), the death instinct (Thanatos) and libidinal energy are the sources of human love. In spiritual situations where the Eros instinct is dominant, sexuality begins to dominate and the needs for love, affection, sexual satisfaction and contact emerge. (Freud 1968, Reported by Özen, Gülaçtı 2010)
Freud's concept of love meets the needs of love, sexual satisfaction and contact.
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Abraham Maslow
The need for love and belonging, which is in the third step of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is a need that emerges after physiological and safety needs are met. If this need is not met, people feel abandoned and alone. This causes them pain. According to Maslow, there are two types of love. One of them is the love of existence and the other is the love of lack. Maslow says that the love of lack must be satisfied first.
“A person who can survive and survive now wants to be loved, to feel belonging, to be accepted. This is where the world's people hang out most: the third step. Where billions of people live in turmoil. When people find it difficult to find the love they need, they may resort to different ways to be accepted. Hooligans at sporting events, young people joining terrorist groups or complicit in crime without any interest, those who join political youth branches and become involved in mass crimes, or women who are with a man and are sexually abused after a while. working tertiary level prisoners.” (Kohen 2015)
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Harry Stack Sullivan
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What happened between him and his partner?
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How did the person learn to destroy love?
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Is the person loved in this way?
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Is this how she was able to reach people important to her in her early childhood?
Sullivan thought that individuals should not be studied in isolation, but in their interpersonal relationships and developed the theory of interpersonal psychoanalysis.
Sullivan: “Personality becomes visible only in interpersonal situations. ” (Sullivan 1938, Quoted by Mitchell, Black 2014 )
Sullivan's words about the love object: "We want to sit down with the patient and get as much as possible from what they can remember about current events in her relationship with the love object." (Sullivan 1938, Reported by Mitchell, Black 2014 )
Sullivan investigated in detail what kind of events occurred between his patient and the object of love. For example; He also examined the early life interactions of a person who had problems with his partner. While investigating the problem, he tried to find answers to the following questions.
Sullivan described the baby as someone who oscillates between total peace and tension. In meeting the physical, mental and emotional needs of the baby, he called the mutual satisfaction of the baby and the caregiver as integrative tendencies. >
Sullivan placed emphasis on anxiety. In an anxious state, she thought that the infant prevented integration in terms of meeting her needs for satisfaction. In cases where the baby is anxious; while there are problems in feeding, sleeping and cuddling, anxiety in adulthood; It creates problems in areas such as thinking, learning, establishing emotional intimacy, sexual performance, and communication.
Sullivan analyzed anxiety in two steps. In the first step, because the baby feels the caregiver's (mother) feelings with an empathetic connection, she calls the mother a bad mother when she is anxious and a good mother when she is carefree. In the second step of anxiety, the baby is connected with himself as to which of the good or bad mother will come. realizes it is me. When the 'good mother' comes, the 'good me' develops, and when the 'bad mother' comes, the 'bad me' develops.
Sullivan's obsessiveness; He thought it was a defense based on humiliation and intense anxiety. He observed that obsessives have hypocritical relationships in their families and that obsessives experience love as well as physical and emotional violence by their families. It was explained that the physical and emotional violence applied to them was out of love and attention. Obsessives are people who are confused by these opposite situations. These people are afraid of being emotionally involved with others. Because the confusions in their past experiences have made them expect that they will feel bad and helpless in their relationships.
He says that people who have experienced pain and humiliation in their past relationships develop security operations to protect themselves in their current relationships.
Melanie Klein
Klein's work is based on child psychoanalysis. Klein placed great emphasis on the child's first object relationship, namely the mother's relationship to the breast and mother.
Klein; In his description of early life, he described an ego oscillating between a loving and hateful orientation. He described these two opposite groups through memes.
In the "urge to love and protect"; There is the image of the lovable and loving object. When the baby takes the food and milk he needs, he feels himself swimming in love and reflects his love to the breast. He thinks she is a loving “good meme” and loves it. He feels “grateful” for the good breast.
In the "urge to hate and destroy"; There is a hateful and hateful object image. When the baby does not get the food he needs when he needs it, he feels bad. The meme is malicious for him. He poisoned her with bad milk and then abandoned her. The baby thinks that this breast is a "bad breast" and hates it, as a result of this, he feels "envy" towards the breast
"A disappointment and disappointment in the child's first relationship with the breast. Confusion with the doctrine of insatiability is inevitable, for even a happy diet is no substitute for prenatal mother-child union. Moreover, the child's longing for a breast that is inexhaustible and always there is not simply due to hunger and libidinal desires. Because even in the early stages of life, the main source of the need to be sure of the mother's love at all times is anxiety. The struggle between the life and death instincts, and the fear that this will lead to the destruction of both the self and the object by destructive impulses, is decisive in the ego's first relations with the mother. While she desires a child, she first desires the breast and then the mother to relieve these destructive impulses and relieve her of the anxiety of being persecuted.”(Klein 2016)
While a good breast has a protective-restorative effect; bad meme is destructive. Any confusion between these two objects can also result in the destruction of the good nozzle. This is a disaster for the baby. Because the good meme to protect against the attacks of the bad meme is gone.
Klein called the first organization between good and bad object in the first years of life the "paranoid-schizoid" position. “Paranoid; corresponds to the fear of an invading evil from outside, a central concern of persecution. Schizoid; refers to the central defense: splitting, the effective separation of the loving and loved good breast from the hated and hated bad breast.”( Mitchell, Black 2014)
The second organization for Klein is the "depressive position". It is an advanced stage where both love and hate come together in the child's relationship with all objects. At this stage, the child believes that his love is superior to his hatred, and that his love and hatred will compensate for the destructiveness. So he can keep his objects whole.
M. Improved Defenses Against Envy, According to Klein
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Envy strengthens the denial of all strength and division.
Good The failure of the normal division between the bad object can cause confusion. These people in their future periods; may experience severe mental disorders or milder indecisions.
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Defense against envy is often a devaluation of the object by spoiling and dirtying. takes the grass.
For example; The confrontation technique applied to the patient during the analysis may cause the patient to feel blamed and devalued.
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Another defense, devaluation of the self;
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Another defense used to counter envy is greed. The baby greedily wants to internalize all the good in the breast to protect it from his own envy. This is also a seed of defeat against envy.
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Another method of defense is to provoke the envy one experiences within oneself with one's own good fortune. Thus, he reverses the envious situation. This in itself can lead to guilt and not being able to enjoy what one has.
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Another defense is that feelings of love are found when hatred prevails over love. It is a widely used defense. It hurts less than the guilt that is the result of love combined with hate. Against the anxieties that resulted from this, Klein thought that "taking action" had developed. He examined the analyzes of neurotic and psychotic patients. Because attacks against the object lead to an increase in the sense of persecution. This creates a situation that can only be overcome by new attacks. In other words, destructive impulses gain strength. Thus, a vicious circle emerges that leads to the impairing of the ability to resist envy. This situation, which is especially seen in schizophrenic cases, is one of the strong reasons encountered in their treatment. (Klein 2016)
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Depression and guilt are expressions of the desire to protect the loved object and limit the envy.
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W.R.D. Fairbairn
She is one of the representatives of the British School of Object Relations. He says that people seek pleasure and avoid pain; He researched “why people make themselves unhappy”.
According to Fairbairn, the libido is object-seeking. When people seek fulfilment, they try to relieve stress. In this, they communicate among themselves.
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