Being a parent brings with it a lot of responsibility. We are suddenly confused about what has happened to us, and we are trying to calculate how we will cope with all the responsibilities that need to be done. We begin to live with a constant list of things to do in our minds.
As children grow up and begin to gain their individuality, the direction of responsibility begins to change. Crises going to shopping malls saying "I want this", insisting on wearing a swimsuit in the middle of winter, changing sleeping hours and decreasing the time we spare for ourselves cause all the burdens to accumulate.
In this process, the moments when we run out of patience as parents begin to increase. We may suddenly find ourselves screaming and angry. In this article, I wanted to talk about what we can do in these processes and what the solution to these problems is.
There is a concept that we have come across frequently regarding this issue lately, 'aware parenting'. Beyond being a popular concept, it reduces moments of crisis when we can actually place it in our lives. and a calming approach to awareness.
So what is this awareness?
Awareness; When we think we are responsible for our children, it starts with turning our focus away from the child and towards ourselves. Because being a parent is not about your child, it is about you. When we experience a crisis and get tense, the first thing we try to do is calm our child down. Imagine your child who starts crying and throws himself on the ground because you bought him a blue ball while he was asking for a red ball in the middle of the road. At that moment, you may feel like all eyes are on you.
Your sweet dreams of parenthood slowly fade away from your mind. All you have to do is pick your child up off the floor, calm him down, and ensure that all eyes on you turn right in front of him. You can apply to the state we call awareness right at that moment. The first thing you need to do is accept the situation. Your child, who grows, develops, tries to prove his independence and thus develops self-confidence, is not an adult. It is an opportunity for him to exhibit these behaviors as he grows up. In this way, you will learn how to calm down and cope with problematic situations. He/she has the opportunity to learn that he/she will be released.
What you need to do at that moment is to calm yourself, not your child. Taking a deep breath, thinking of this not as a crisis but as a step your child skips in the growth process. If you're ready, we've come to the most important point: 'accepting the situation'.
Your child is lying on the ground, screaming in the middle of the street, and this is a temporary situation. After a while, you will calm down and the eyes looking at you will forget about you. Instead of feeling like a failure, try to remember that this situation is temporary. You'll see, when you focus on yourself and try to calm yourself down, everything will be more comfortable. Because you will be nervously approaching your child.
Then, you will take the necessary steps by trying to distract him and saying 'we can talk to you when you calm down'.
Awareness is not only about parenting. It is a resource that we can refer to when we feel nervous or depressed.
If you wish, you can enter awareness today. Start by walking slower today, the same path you walk every day to work or school. Look around you more carefully, instead of thinking about what you will cook for dinner, what the child's homework is, where you will go on the weekend, think about how nice it is to walk. You will see buildings, signs that you have never noticed before, maybe a tiny flower growing in a corner…
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