To communicate; It doesn't just mean talking. Many factors such as what we say to the other person and with what attitude, our body language, gestures and facial expressions, establishing eye contact, paying attention to the other person and listening, constitute the basic elements of communication.
The child first learns communication within the family. So how should parents communicate with children? How to ensure effective communication? To answer the question, we can talk about the following factors:
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Active listening: In other words, it is participatory listening. In other words, the child feels unconditionally accepted and listened to. The parent is active. Parent; It makes the child feel that he/she is listened to and understood. The child who feels listened to; feels valued, understood and accepted. When children think they are not being listened to, they may react and become stubborn with their parents. As a result, they may become defensive, withdraw into themselves, and display aggressive attitudes. The message the child wants to give here is "Please listen to me, I need you." When communicating with children, one should avoid being in a passive position, and the parent should be active in speaking, take a break from dealing with any action, and try to leave technological devices aside.
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Communication language: A communication language that most of us, from children to adults, know and use is "you language". You language includes negativity and blame towards the other person. It damages communication. The language we should use instead of you language is "I language". The biggest difference in I language is the absence of judgment in the expression and understanding of emotions. When we tell a child not to do an action he wants to do, he will want to do it out of spite. Instead of saying 'you are guilty, don't do it, don't disturb me, it happened because of you', 'when I do this, I feel ……….' I feel' 'how about doing ………instead of doing this right now'? Creating alternatives with sentences like; Blaming, humiliating and criticizing the child should be stopped.
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Establishing eye contact: What is the age of the child? No matter what, leaning down to his height and making eye contact shows him that you are valuable. Speaking by making eye contact is innate from birth. should be started first. The eye contact we make when we hold the child in our arms, change his diaper, feed him, or breastfeed him further strengthens the communication between us. Eye contact to be established not only in positive behaviors but also when explaining the consequences of the child's misbehavior; It will ensure that what is said is more meaningful to the child and that he/she receives satisfaction in terms of his/her social and emotional development.
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Spending quality time: At this point, parents It is necessary to approach empathetically; spending time with children while working at home and work can sometimes be tiring. It may not be possible for us to devote an entire day to them. Children cannot communicate by speaking like adults. However, they can tell everything with the games they play. One of the most basic needs of a child is to play. Play is where the child rehearses life. Parents should spend quality time with them during this process; that is, they should focus on the quality of time, not the quantity.
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Contact: “As long as a child feels unloved, he feels worthless or inadequate.” says Freud. Apart from eye contact, it is also very important to show children that they are loved by kissing, hugging, body language, that is, physical contact.
Of course, it is possible to explain communication only with these factors. It is not. However, if we know the general tricks, communicating with children becomes easier and more accessible.
If you want to heal your soul, spend time with children…
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