Connecting; It takes place with the mother who cares for the newborn or a caregiver who replaces the mother and provides primary care.
In this relationship, if its needs are met on time, the baby will feel that he is important and valuable, and at the same time, he will make the people around him and the world RELIABLE and POSITIVE. will perceive. This period is the time when the foundation of self-confidence is laid and protection against depression begins. The depressed individual perceives the world-future-environment as a bad place.
In adults, the “Quadruple Attachment Model” refers to SECURE, OBSESSIONATE, INCOMPATIBLE, FEARLY attachment.
Secure attachment.
While they perceive themselves as valuable and lovable, they also see other people as approachable and sensitive. They have high self-confidence and do not mind establishing closeness. They have autonomy (the ability to make decisions independently of other people and situations).
Obsessive Attachment
While they consider themselves worthless, they evaluate others positively. They try to gain the approval and acceptance of other people. They are overly preoccupied with relationships. Although they desire to be in close relationships with others, they may push others away from them because they want to have a clingy relationship with them.
Fearful Attachment
Just as they perceive themselves as worthless, they also evaluate others negatively. The person thinks that he or she is unloved and has rigid beliefs that others will reject him/her. They avoid establishing close relationships or experience many problems in their relationships.
Dismissive Attachment
While they perceive themselves as valuable and lovable, they have negative evaluations of others. Avoids close relationships to avoid disappointment and rejection. They want to maintain their positive self-perception by trying to be independent and strong.
For the definition of love; Freud exaltation of sexuality, Fromm; They said: interest, responsibility, respect and understanding. I think Tennov gave the best definition: Cognitive activity is disabled. Kernberg's definition is beautiful, abandoning the boundaries of the self in the existential dimension, that is, giving up oneself for the sake of the loved one.
Love is the narrowing of interest in people. It is a state of selective focus, leaving everything else aside and actually "going to bed with him and waking up with him" in the dream, that is, holding a magnifying glass on his every state, behavior and words and paying extreme attention to them. Even if you want, you can't get it out of your mind, it adorns your dreams and daydreams. It means repeating the words he forgot. It is a state of enthusiastic mania. Love is alive, exciting. Love is feeling good, skirts flying.
It is a vision and perception defect. It is to mistake his indiscretion for youth, his silence and introversion due to his poor vocabulary as 'wisdom'. It means mixing rudeness, outspokenness, antisocial, lawless and uninhibited behavior with courage and self-confidence.
In other words, LOVE; It is the time it takes until you perceive the difference between IMAGINED and REAL. The poet, who writes poems saying "Zülfün zülfün", eventually marries his beloved and after a while says; “What I said was a hair on your head”.
Love; Not being able to meet is the big fish that runs away. In love; It is to think that the one who does not realize that he is not loved and does not care is HARD LOVE, the GREAT LOVE, and the one who responds to himself and loves is considered cheap.
According to STENBERG; It is a concept with elements of intimacy, passion and commitment.
Types of love:
1.Liking and disliking; feeling close, feeling warmth.
2.Passionate and crazy Love; Love at first sight belongs to this group. If you love or hate someone at first sight, stop and think, this situation has nothing to do with the other person. This is our lower brain's trick on us. It GENERALIZES every characteristic of what we love or fear. This situation is the result of our survival reflex. For example: If you are scared when a red truck comes towards you at speed (even if it does not hit you), do not stay in traffic for a long time. You are afraid of everything that moves or the color red. However, there is only one culprit here: the driver of the truck. You also place in your sense of trust the big dark hands, tall height and wide face of your primary school teacher, who was very compassionate, loving and paved the way for you to learn about the world, which has nothing to do with these characteristics. Even after 30 years, you may trust your boss, who is a labor thief and cannot love himself or anyone else, who is all about money in the world, just because he physically resembles your teacher, and you may put in effort, even though he does not deserve it, and ultimately receive the reward of your efforts as disrespect. Likewise, you see men who have wives who resemble their mothers. Really loving and making love depends on the brain and personality traits. Just as you are greeted with your clothing and grooming at the first meeting and sent off with your personality, intelligence, education, culture and manners, in the same way, you decide LOVE based on a person's appearance and be happy or unhappy with their real personality traits, culture and upbringing. The healthiest love is the love that is first built and developed on good friendship. The songs always talk about physics and appearance, and our lower brain codes this. For men, a thin waist and wide hips are a fertility feature, and a flat stomach is a sign of not being pregnant. untouchedness; It is to relieve the anxiety of "Is the child mine?" For women; While the size of the lower brain is giving birth to strong and healthy individuals and raising them, the strong and broad-shouldered father will hunt, run fast, carry food to his child with his long legs. You see, the law of the jungle still applies in our lower brain. Women COLLECT, men hunt and carry food home. Do not underestimate the lower brain; Because all mammals have it. It directs our emotions, emotions direct our thoughts, and our thoughts and behaviors. Have you ever gone to the market when you were hungry and bought whatever you wanted? Do not underestimate sexual urges either. A young poor peasant woman came married out of necessity to an old and impotent man. “Oh, there's no cure, doctor, I'm so aroused, destroy this. I found myself looking at the minibus driver, who is only a foot tall, as if he were Cüneyt Arkın. The worst part is that he noticed it and was grinning. Separate characteristics of men and women, men are stimulated by VISIBILITY (cause of cosmetics and clothing industry) It is also stimulated by TOUCHING. Smart women; You can be repulsive by just touching their body, it is mostly necessary to touch their soul.
3. Empty Love (Attachment): It is when a person decides that he/she loves another person and gets attached. It is called empty love because it does not contain closeness and passion. It can happen at the beginning or end of the relationship.
4.Romantic Love: In romantic love, there is closeness and attachment, but there is no passion.
5.Friendly Love: There is closeness and attachment, but there is no passion.
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6.Stupid Love: They meet and get married soon Holywood style love. Passion ends, only liking remains, they get bored.
7.Perfect Love: (Passion-closeness-attachment) It is more difficult to experience and keep this love.
8.Lovelessness: Problematic relationships. .
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