Humans always learn to establish relationships from their first caregivers. A man who gets along by conflicting with his mother may seek the same conflict in his wife, or a girl who has poor communication with her father may become shy towards men when she becomes an adult. For this reason, the first relationship we establish with our first caregivers, and especially with our mother for attachment, affects all our other relationships that will last throughout our lives, either positively or negatively. If the person has grown up without a mother, we can consider our relationship with our substitute caregiver, who acts as a mother and provides care for the person.
If the mother has developed a secure attachment with her child, that is, if she has met the child's emotional and physiological needs, especially in the first year of life, consistently and adequately, even if not perfectly, When the child grows up and becomes an adult and has a relationship, he/she does not hesitate to become attached, does not get scared when the relationship is made official, and easily expresses his/her feelings and needs. If your mother sometimes met your needs and sometimes did not, and treated you both good and bad, this may have caused anxious attachment. And therefore, you become the clingy person who cannot decide in your relationship, who constantly asks the question "how much does he love you?", who tries to find in your partner what your mother cannot meet. Most likely, this will alienate and alienate the other party from you. You are very afraid of being abandoned and you constantly think about this possibility. You even abandon the other party for no reason in order to keep the pain of abandonment under control. If your mother or the substitute caregiver treated you coldly/distantly/unresponsively and insensitively, you may want to avoid relationships completely when you become an adult. Close relationships seem stifling to you, and the moment you see closeness, you run away without looking back, perhaps unintentionally. What you are avoiding is attachment, because your brain has not learned this before.
If you want to change this situation, it will be useful to find the emotions you experience in situations that require connection in your daily life and work with an expert.
Read: 0
