Perhaps one of the most determining factors affecting the present and future of a relationship is the communication styles within the relationship. Studies of American psychologist and couple therapist John Gottman show that the four items mentioned are the key to relationships.
1) BLAME: Experienced situations or certain attitudes of your partner. It may cause discomfort to you. This is very normal, but avoid making criticisms of your partner's character. The line between complaining and blaming is really thin and can hurt your partner.
For example, saying "I was worried because you came so late last night without informing me. We were going to inform each other" is a complaint. Saying "You are so irresponsible, why didn't you bother to inform me?" is an accusation and is clearly a criticism directed at the personality.
2) CONDEMNIFICATION: Contempt is a form of criticism that has gone beyond the dimension. Behaviors that include mocking the partner, speaking disrespectfully and contemptuously, and sometimes even humiliating, sarcastic and using various facial expressions fall under this heading. Such attitudes cause one of the partners to position themselves in a superior position and make the other feel less valuable. Under the 4 headings in this article, contempt is the first step towards divorce.
3) DEFENSIVENESS: It is an understandable attitude frequently shown against criticism that is thought to be unfairly targeted. However, contrary to what is desired, it heats up the discussion and makes it difficult for us to reach a conclusion. Which of us doesn't suddenly find ourselves on the defensive while arguing? The moment we notice such moments, we refuse to take responsibility. Afterwards, we will be trying to blame our partner. It's like protecting yourself in a "victim" position.
For example, I can clarify the issue with this sentence: "If you had cleared the table after dinner, I wouldn't have been late like this."
4)WALL KNITTING: It is the attitude shown mostly in the face of condescending attitudes. During an argument, one of the partners suddenly stops communicating, does not want to talk, says that he does not want to listen and that we should leave him alone, or even acts like he is busy.
The biggest share that falls to us is; If we love the other person as they are, we want to keep it that way. Vaccine. If he is a messy or careless person, let him be that way. Let's not fight him and help him minimize these actions. This applies not only to men but also to women. If he is very emotional, very sensitive, only the person who knows him and has a loving bond can minimize this.
We say that recently people's level of tolerance towards each other has decreased and divorce rates have increased. If we can tolerate our loved one and avoid these substances, a happy relationship is inevitable.
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