We always talk about setting our boundaries, having clearer lines in relationships. So, can we do this in a healthy way? While trying to determine our boundaries, the issue that we should pay attention to is what our boundaries mean to us. Setting boundaries are the fine lines we create mentally and physically that keep us in our own safe space. Boundaries are one of the most important components of healthy communication. As a society, we have dealt with difficult thoughts about setting boundaries. In fact, many individuals grew up with distorted thoughts such as "if I say that, they will be offended, if I say that, they will get it wrong" instead of expressing their own thoughts. Any relationship you have without healthy boundaries can cause a tiring and stressful cycle for you. Even if you are ignoring the boundaries of another person, this situation may disturb the person and make your relationship with the person difficult. Boundaries are important in every communication you have during the day, it is no one's responsibility but you to protect your own space and respect. Protecting your boundaries and doing it in a healthy way makes your life easier in many ways. There are many reasons why people fail to set healthy boundaries, for example:
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Inability to say 'no' at the expense of pleasing others
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Abandonment settle for less out of fear
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Not expressing your opinions because you are afraid of argument
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Put others' needs before your own
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Desire to please everyone, having an overly agreeable personality
Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries
Once you understand what boundaries mean and why they're important, it's normal to not know what to set your boundaries about and how. First of all, you need to take time for yourself, when you think deeply, you will have a desire to do the right thing in every moment that violates your boundaries and does not feel good to you. If you're having trouble making a clear decision on your own, talk to a therapist. Understanding your thoughts and opinions and clarifying your point of view will benefit you. To understand and protect your boundaries, you can ask yourself these questions:
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What behaviors bother me?
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What do I want to see from the other person?
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What topics are important to me?
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What makes me feel better?
By determining your own needs, you can understand which area of your life needs limits, after you understand this, it will be more applicable for you to set healthy limits. The most important warning about the person you should set boundaries with is your feelings. Pay attention to how you feel, the tone of the other person's voice, tone, or even the jokes they make can be an example of disrespect. Thanks to the questions you ask about yourself while communicating and the attitude you approach yourself, you can take a clearer step on whether or not to set limits to this person in the future. One of the most important ways to set boundaries is to be as transparent and honest as possible in your communication, to express clearly what you want and your thoughts, of course you should also care about timing because you cannot express your thoughts in a healthy way during the discussion, so you should choose a quiet moment to talk. Concentrate on describing how you feel as few of the accusatory statements as possible. Use the word "I" rather than the word "you." Once you set your boundaries, it's just as important to maintain them, as we generally care about how our reactions make us feel and how we appear to other people. You may sometimes feel bad or even blamed for the boundaries you set for the other person, but this is not your responsibility. Needing to protect yourself and distance doesn't make you selfish. Maintaining your boundaries can be challenging, so remember why you needed to set boundaries in the first place. An intimacy that you can't limit and that is not good for you can cause you to move away from yourself, and the burden of this is always heavier.
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