I would like to share with you the internal process I experienced one day when we were talking about the problems a friend of mine, with whom I enjoy chatting, was experiencing about values.
He said to me, "I don't feel valuable." While I'm trying to find his concepts about value in my head, in which area he structures this, I'm also asking him, "What would make you feel valuable?" I was asking questions. Of course, I was thinking about how far I was from what he was talking about, how I didn't need anything concrete to feel valuable, and of course, my childhood and my relationships with my parents were running through a corner of my memory. Again and again I saw the importance of our childhood memories.
In short, when the conversation was about values, one of my graduate course topics came to mind: Self-esteem (in its simplest definition); Respecting, embracing and trusting oneself with what one has.
I would like to summarize the entire lesson here, but it would be boring and insufficient.
Let's chat a little more before getting into the subject of the "Conditional Self-Worth Model" created by Crocker and Wolfe (2001), which came to my mind as the conversation deepened :)
We all experience the conversation I had with my friend every day. We certainly live with different people, and from time to time we conflict and even get surprised about our differences. We accept that we are different at most points, but when it comes to the definitions of love and respect, theirs does not suit us and ours do not suit them. We don't feel valuable or we don't understand what the other party expects from us. "What does it matter now?" "What does this have to do with me loving you?" We react like this.
Each communication, whatever it is between us, how we define it, is like fingerprints that vary from person to person. While I am a in my communication with you, I can be b in my relationship with someone else. This is one of the most normal things in the world. So, when everything is like this, where do our differences come from? Our different communication styles, our different concepts of value, our different core selves... Let's get back to our topic :)
The Conditional Self-Value Model mentioned by Crocker and Wolfe;
According to this model, self-value is structured in certain areas. It is shaped mostly as a result of the interactions that take place in these main areas. According to this model, the self-worth of individuals is affected by their success or failure in certain areas and the minimum level limit that the person has set for that area. If the individual cannot meet the standard needs in that area, it will be inevitable for the self-worth to be structured in these areas.
According to Crocker et al. (2003), there are seven important areas as internal and external sources where self-worth is built:
Other'sapproval: Individuals who shape their self-worth on getting approval pay more attention to what others think about them and how they see them, rather than their thoughts about others.
Family support: How much their families love them and how they see them. They care about what they think.
Physical appearance (Appearance): They care about how their appearance is evaluated by society.
Competition: strong> Situations where they are in a higher position than their competitors are always more important to them.
Academic competence (Academic competence): Achieving all kinds of academic success or obtaining approval from relevant authorities (teachers, etc.). It is important to be approved by God.
God'slove: Their communication with God, their love for him and their religious beliefs.
Virtue. (Virtue): Acting within the framework of moral and ethical principles is very important and always a priority for them.
What I mentioned above will make your and the other person's inner process more understandable. None of these areas are problematic or wrong. We all experience mental distress from time to time in our lives. Knowing these will increase our awareness a little more in this process, but it may not always be enough to change the problems we experience. Whatever the basis for the formation of these, childhood, adolescence, parental relationships, culture, the environment in which you grew up, every moment and moment you lived in contributed to their formation. This article was written to help you get to know yourself and those around you a little more.
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