When we look at the problems of marriage, we see that the primary effort to change each other
is at the forefront. One side doesn't like some
approaches of the other side, their attitudes, but they ignore it, thinking that it will change anyway. In between
years pass and this effort continues. One side spends a lifetime with the side that the other side does not like
. Sometimes neither acceptance
takes place, nor change and marriage turns into a battlefield.
From time to time, spouses compete and act like rivals
and the superior aspects of their differences actually complement each other
> forget there are elements. One side tries to destroy the other side's superiority
and try to immobilize it. And from time to time, it's like an effort to equalize everything
. It's like they are two company partners, and this
effort to equalize is an effort to eliminate individual differences at the same time and
does not bring any good to marriage. It is very important for people to stay in their male or female roles
and to accept the appropriate approach to these roles, and not to be afraid of differences
, not to try to eliminate differences
and to preserve originality.
to approach differences flexibly
to be able to accept each other as they are and not to compete for supremacy is necessary for long-term healthy relationships.
Everyone has a marriage model in their mind, and this model is family
is not independent. Sometimes they shouldn't be like this, sometimes they should be like that
. The model designed in advance with the property of Meli
does not fit the real life, and the spouses give unnecessarily
efforts for it for years. Whereas, the model they originally designed never materializes.
If there is no empathy, self language, flexibility, respect, coordination and common values, conflicts and problems in marriage are inevitable and it turns into a mechanism that makes each other's lives difficult
spouses.
Of course, it is wrong to expect that there will be no problems in a marriage
but what will be the attitudes in the face of these problems, what will be the language of respect
how will the approach be? is from. Problem solving,
being able to express feelings, expressing expectations, finding an appropriate
solution method and acting together are all skills. /> are situations that are frequently experienced in marriages and lead to the growth of problems
. Spouses bring these approaches from their upbringing and families
to their marriages as a model and sometimes as a personality problem
. It's almost as if they create the family atmosphere in which they grew up in their childhood without realizing it
over and over again.
Arguments are not bad as long as the dose and emotions can be controlled.
Actually, if there is no argument in a marriage, there is a problem there too.
Hands reaching out to marriage sometimes turn marriage into a cotton ball.
Everyone has a different marriage model in their minds and the truth of none
does not suit others. Often, the outside
hands trying to influence marriages transfer their own difficulties and problems to them and make the problems inextricable. The problems of two people and the
problems of the environment sometimes get mixed up with the problems of families. One of the first interventions
in marital therapy is to pull hands outstretched.
A sense of trust, a sense of worth, creating future goals and common
expectations are basic needs and must be nurtured.
It is important not to repeat the problems and fights that happened in the past, and to give new meanings to the negativities in the past
and leave them behind
. Sometimes when discussing a topic, people bring up the issues of twenty years
and the main topic of discussion disappears and they can't solve anything
they just repeat the negative feelings of the past.
Spouses always use the same strategy and wait for something to change
> is a futile effort. Repeating approaches and
strategies that do not contribute to a dysfunctional solution become automatic over time and mechanize relationships.
Logical inferences cannot be made and mental processing is not activated.
The same reactions that have not worked for years are repeated.
< br /> If there are intense problems in a marriage, the probability of developing depression
fifty percent And if one of the spouses has depression, the probability of having a marital problem
is still fifty percent. Healthy families create healthy communities
and healthy children grow up in healthy families.
We know that male and female brains work differently. It does not perceive what is happening in the same
way and does not give meaning in the same way. However, mostly spouses
make this different meaning and perception a problem. A man
can focus on only one thing at a time, while a woman
can focus on many things at the same time. Women talk a lot, men talk less. On average, a woman speaks twenty-three
thousand words a day, while a man speaks thirteen thousand words. While men
are action-oriented, women like to collect stories and want to talk.
Biology, hormones and positioning themselves in society in the world work differently
. Accepting this difference and acting in your own role
becomes a complementary element and forms the basis of healthy relationships.
It is important not to see every flaw, not to be stuck there
instead of constantly looking for flaws. Trying to underestimate and devalue each other is one of the poisons in marriage.
Some vital changes lead to new adjustment difficulties in marriages.
Immigration, experiencing difficult situations, economic problems,
or rapid changes in economic situations, having children or
children getting married and leaving home, status changes, retirement, etc., may create some difficulties. br /> referencing is inaccurate and serves no purpose other than a problem. This
effort will not contribute to problem solving. As long as there is tension and unhappiness, it doesn't matter who is right. Spouses always want the other person to change
. Nobody wants to change
themselves. They say he should fix something, he should do it, he should change it, and these sayings
do no good to anyone. Change is difficult and takes time and effort
requires talent. Whereas fighting is easiest.
When the emotional bond and sexuality decrease between spouses, arguments and conflicts
increase, and when these increase, argumentation and conflict decrease.
Not to accumulate anger, not to accumulate grudges, to develop the ability to forgive,
to allow the past to affect the future. Not giving is one of the things that improve relationships
. If a person is not at peace with himself, he cannot be at peace with his wife
. Some people are in a fight with themselves and may have some
personality problems. Personality problems are effective in the formation and continuation of marital problems. Being married to a
person with narcissistic personality disorder is almost like fighting at the front.
Having realistic expectations from each other, and increasing the expectations that do not meet the conditions
will only increase the disappointments
.
Mind reading, reading the other person's intention, is a frequent automatic
mental mistake. You wanted to do it like that, you mean it like that
I know your intention, and references such as
serve to cause trouble or magnify
.
they wait for others to come and intervene. Angry situations are the source of constant
arguments and result in violating the rights of the other person
. It is one of the major mistakes for spouses to separate the beds and to use sexuality as leverage in times of trouble. Continually talking about the divorce
, keeping it on the agenda and expressing it as a threat
is like pouring gasoline on a fire. Jealousy is also an important
emotion in marriages. It is divided into two as normal and pathological jealousy.
Having a certain dose serves the marriage, while excessive jealousy
poisons the marriage. It makes things difficult.
Appreciating each other, using positive sentences more, expressing the value of each other's and
relationships are among the basic needs.
The majority of divorced people are also in their new marriages. have the same
problems� They keep on talking and they complain about why people like this always come and find me
. They do not question themselves or try to change the parties that cause
such results. Most people make comparisons to those on social media. And
as a result of a big mistake, they say how happy others are, I am unhappy.
This mistake does not lead people to marry and solve their problems in marriage.
Knowing oneself, being aware of one's own expectations and inner needs
brings knowledge. Spouses who are aware of each other
solve problems more easily. They know better what to expect from the other person.
The bigger the difference between the situation people are in and the situation they want to be, the greater the probability of conflict with themselves and with the other person
.
>
In marriages, it is important not to be confined to just everyday matters, to talk about common dreams
to talk about expectations, to express feelings.
Social people are more happy. Being in social environments together
participating in activities together, not living apart, noticing each other and making them feel different
improves relationships.
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