I will take care to make it more understandable in other articles, in line with the guidance of our valued reader. I am waiting for your feedback about my articles, whether negative or positive.
I'm sure you, too, have been receiving feedback throughout most of your life. So, can we be effective listeners, regardless of the attitude of the other person? I would like you to think for a short while... I guess it will not be possible to listen effectively if the attitudes we see include direct attack on our personality, judgment, blaming and destructive criticism. Often in these situations, the person will tend to defend himself.
However, I sometimes observe that effective listening does not occur in interpersonal relationships, even if the feedback or the attitudes of the other person are quite positive. In this sense, perhaps I should also specify what I mean by "effective listening". I can define effective listening as an effort to understand the feelings of the person or people in front of us, without involving ourselves as much as possible in the events, situations and thoughts they are talking about.
So actually, when listening to a person, if the thought of what we will answer is more dominant in our mind than understanding what the other party feels and their mindset, I think we are not listening effectively. In the inactive type of listening that I mentioned, conflict with the other party is often observed. Likewise, in this type of relationship, a relationship is formed that lacks advice, guidance, disregard and empathy. At this point, I would like to make reference to an issue I mentioned in issue 3. None of our experiences are the same. Even though there are similarities, the experiences have different effects and feelings on each of us. Therefore, I often observe that in situations where we do not listen effectively, we get the hallucination that THE OTHER PERSON IS LIKE ME.
What if the situation, event or person's feelings are different from you? What if he's actually telling you what he's telling you just so you can listen and understand what he's feeling? In light of the results I have obtained from my professional experiences, I testify that the parties do not listen to each other effectively, especially between couples and in the parent-child relationship. We want to understand and support each other If we listen only with curiosity and interest, if we eliminate the thought of "what should I say" that crosses our minds, and finally if we try to understand the other person's feelings (answers to the question "What did you feel?"), the parties will feel that they understand each other. This will make them feel valued. Of course, in daily life, the other party may ask "tell me something, what do you think, I'm curious about your opinion" etc. We should not hesitate to express our opinions when we receive reactions. Sometimes we ask the other person, "Are you curious about what I think?" If we ask a question like this and the answer is yes, the impact of what we say will increase even more.
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