Fear of school has become one of the main topics of frequent therapy sessions these days when schools are opened. This week, we will examine the subject of "school phobia" in order to support families in the difficult process they go through regarding this issue. Although our topic is mentioned as "school phobia" in the literature, the main source of this fear in the child is not school; It is “separation anxiety”. These children overreact to their families leaving them in the first days of school, even months later.
What are the causes of school phobia?
Children have the same comfort and attention as at home. Because they do not have their focus in school environments, they may sometimes have difficulty adapting to school. In fact, although school is a place where children can socialize, gain new skills and take an important step in the process of individualization, this situation experienced as "separation anxiety" can turn into a crisis for both the little ones and their families. Children's families have important duties in solving this crisis.
Some families can raise their children in a self-dependent manner and damage the child's self-confidence. If parents with an anxious child-rearing style are too involved in matters that their children can handle, the likelihood of a dependent child increases. In the same process, if the child has a family that does whatever he wants and gives him a lax education, school phobia may be inevitable. In addition, school phobia may also occur in situations such as the loss of close relatives, the illness of the child's parents, the birth of a new sibling, lack of social skills, dislike of school, and separation of parents.
How can school phobia be prevented?
Examine the underlying reasons why the child does not want to go to school. Do not overreact in such situations. Avoid overly protective and flexible attitudes. It is more appropriate for the other parent to take the child to school instead of the parent he or she is dependent on. Do not blame the child for not going to school, do not put pressure on him. As all family members, you must be determined and consistent in ensuring that the child goes to school. Mothers of children with school phobia should also come to school and the child should feel comfortable. They can be made to stay in the class until they feel it. The length of time the child stays in school can be increased gradually. (for example, first an hour, then half a day, finally a full day)
Spend quiet time together
School Wake up a little earlier in the morning with your child and enter into a peaceful and calm preparation process. Treat it as if it were any other day, do not create a panicked or tense atmosphere. Because developing new patterns or behaving that are very different from the normal one will reinforce the child's anxiety. Having breakfast together and chatting during that time will reduce the child's anxiety. School is an unknown for children who are just starting out.
Explain this uncertainty to your child clearly that school or teachers are nothing to be afraid of, and that there will be no loss of family and home order along with school.
It takes time for the situation to settle in the child's mind. Be careful to watch the process patiently, remembering that it will take time.
Respect your child's privacy
Respect your child's privacy, Do not talk about the concerns he shared with you in front of his friends and teachers. Negative sentences such as "My daughter/son is very shy of school, she did not want to leave the house in the morning" are used by her classmates. and don't say it while their teacher is present. Otherwise he may think that only he/she feels his/her anxiety, and as a result, it will be more difficult for him/her to adapt.
Do not compare with other children
Comparing your child with other children will cause him to seriously lose his self-confidence.
"Look how happy your friend is here!" You should avoid comparative words and behaviors such as: Also explain that the child is not the only one who is worried, many children can experience this situation. Comparing will cause your child to feel wrong, alone and guilty, and to become more stuck in a negative emotional state. You should definitely avoid harsh, despotic and negative attitudes. Otherwise, in children The separation anxiety that arises will intensify, causing him/her to think that he/she is unloved, worthless, and to develop aggressive behavior.
Take control of your concerns
As a parent, it is very important to keep your own concerns under control. The school process means a new order for the whole family, and parents may develop concerns about separation from their children and their adaptation to school. However, if you reflect these concerns on your child, no matter what you say about his/her concerns afterwards, it will cause what you say to be ineffective and increase the negative emotions and anxiety he/she experiences.
Do not wait in the classroom
If your child asks you to fail the classroom, do not fail.
Parents failing the classroom makes it difficult for children to adapt to school. If your child is having a hard time, he can go to school gradually (1 hour on the first day, 2 hours on the 2nd day, 3 hours the next day, etc.) Explain clearly why you cannot stay with him and leave him to his class. If he/she reacts too much, calm him down with sentences such as "I will come to pick you up when you leave" or "I will be in the garden for another half hour."
Your child may be worried that he will not return home at the end of the day and will always stay there. Explain that he will return home, that we will all eat together and play games.
Reject the offer to return home
Explain the school routine clearly, including times, and if he wants to return home Give examples of your own responsibilities and explain that he/she must be there at certain hours and that he/she will return home when the dismissal bell rings. Do not compromise, except in extraordinary situations such as illness.
Chat but do not question
You can ask questions and chat about how school went, but you should not question.
When your child is in a new adaptation process and experiencing a big change in his/her world, this will worry him/her. Let them tell as much as they want to say.
Consult an expert
Your child's adaptation to school is very difficult. Cries all the time, shows excessive moodiness in lessons and play groups at school, or on the contrary, remains extremely shy, problems such as bedwetting, fecal incontinence, eating/sleeping problems, nail biting, etc. If it is still alive, try getting support from an expert.
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