I think I experienced my first rejection at that moment. Sometimes I didn't eat my food, my mother got angry with me, sometimes I didn't dress the way she wanted, and sometimes my studies weren't good enough. So there was always a reason for my mother to be upset with me. What I remember about those times is that we did not talk to him in the same house for six months of the year. While I was blaming myself with my childish mind, I could not realize how I had lost my confidence in the world and myself. However, we were playing games with my friends and sometimes we got upset, it didn't last long. Surely the game was going on. However, my games with my mother were always incomplete, my father was a spectator in this regard because my mother got angry at him too, and the cycle continued like this. By the time I started going to high school, I had become a master "offender". The one who is offended and does not know why he is angry…
There is even a proverb: “The rabbit was angry with the mountain, but the mountain did not know about it”. Being offended is a common behavior in our society. Resentment between a husband and wife, a mother or father being angry at their child, being angry at a friend, a student being angry at their teacher, or even a patient being angry at their doctor... So why do we choose to be angry instead of communicating, what does the behavior of being angry serve, who do we offend? We know that a person can be angry with anyone at any time, but in order for a person to be angry with another person, he must have some experiences with him, attach meanings to them, and some of his expectations must not be met due to these meanings. Problems arise when individuals try to use this as a means of communication. Because when the immature method of resentment is used instead of healthy and mature ways of communicating in interaction between people, on the contrary, miscommunication occurs. The individual gets offended and tries to give some messages to the other person and goes further and tries to punish him. We know that being offended means punishing the other person. Such a pattern of behavior emerges when resentment and anger cannot be expressed and are directed inwards. In fact, the offended person expresses how helpless he is towards the other person. So much so that all methods have been disabled and the only solution left is to get angry. The individual, unaware of the harm this behavior causes to himself and the other, tries to achieve what he expects from the other person and may even put forward some conditions to make peace: Like "If you do this, I will make peace"... The adult learns to be offended in his childhood. We know that parents are role models for their children with their behavior. If he teaches his child to be angry, the child thinks that he can manage his life this way. Moreover, being angry at the child causes guilt, helplessness, anxiety and even depressive symptoms. Resentment leaves the child helpless and teaches him the idea that he is loved conditionally. In other words, in order for my mother to love me, ideas such as I must be, I must do are instilled. If the child who acquires the beliefs of "I am unloved and worthless" does not receive adequate support at the right time, he will continue his life under the influence of these beliefs and will try to use resentment as a solution whenever he feels worthless and unlovable in his later years. The result is: "Lack of Communication"... The main point we need to understand here is to go back to ourselves and question what we need. Apparently, being offended serves something in us. Let's not forget that we cannot achieve our emotional needs by getting angry. Let's evaluate our expectations based on what we experience and focus on how realistic they are. Let's try to understand what we really need. Being offended causes miscommunication. Remember that children get angry from time to time, but then they forget the reasons for their anger and communicate again. Do not deprive your children of their real needs by getting angry at your children with this immature method...
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