Mourning Process in Children
During their developmental period, children are at an age where they can understand the concept of death and mourn over it, although not as much as an adult. That's why we must first of all remember that he will also grieve in this process. Some of the grief reactions common to people (stagnation and silence, reluctance to perform certain behaviors, general state of sadness, etc.) In this case, it is important not to worry or worry (because he is a child), but to be a partner in the mourning process, to give empathetic reactions and especially to listen to him. However, the child will also want to listen to you. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, but although it may not be easy, remain calm as you express your feelings towards the bereaved child. This mutual situation is for the child; He acts as a role model for the mourning process by saying, "Both my mother and father experience similar emotions and can remain calm." Children are much stronger than we expect and they go through a healthy mourning process accompanied by empathetic and sincere conversations. Most importantly, it is important to say it again: Children also go through a mourning process, this is a normal and healthy situation.
Here, in the form of items (by giving clear information in a few items), we will explain the backbone of communication with the child during the mourning process. We can remove it. Taking these items into consideration, the support you can provide during the announcement of the death and the mourning process can be as follows:
''We need to talk to you, the issue is about your grandmother. You know that your grandmother was in the hospital for about a week and your father was staying with her. I went to your father's place this morning. Today we learned that the grandmother died.. (you can express your own feelings while keeping your calm, be open.)'' (this amount of conversation is enough for an informative conversation, this conversation will of course continue, but the child's questions or reactions will determine these conversation clouds. The important thing is to comply with the following items as much as possible .)''
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Be sensitive to when children are willing and ready to talk about it.
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Respond to attempts at conversation with an open and calm approach.
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What you say Read and accept the emotions in the subtext (curiosity, fear, anxiety, etc.).
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Regarding the questions asked in your own mind Prepare a simple, short and age-appropriate answer.
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Be honest about your own feelings. .
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Children think that their parents know everything, but if you encounter a question that you cannot answer, you can honestly say 'I don't know the answer to this question. But say 'I can learn this for you'.
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Every child's expression of emotions and feelings How he deals with it is unique, unique to him, give him the time he needs, listen respectfully and carefully each time.
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Sometimes it can't be easy to "hear" what children are really asking. Sometimes it may be necessary to answer his question with a question to understand what he is asking. For example, you can better understand the depth and content of the feeling he is experiencing by encouraging him to talk a little more by asking 'Do you think we will be happy again?' in response to the question 'Mom, will we be happy again?'.
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Children learn through repetition. As he asks again and again, you answer the same way over and over again.
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Use the word death. Do not use expressions such as gone or sleeping for a dead person, say he is dead.
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Do not associate death with illness or old age. Say, 'All living things in the world have a lifespan, and when their lifespan is over, they die.'
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If someone asks where a dead person goes You can say "he is dead, we cannot see the dead people again, but we always feel our love for them, if you want, we can look at their pictures together and talk about them" (one of the important moments where you will be honest about your own feelings and tell about your longing)
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Children may feel feelings of guilt and anger when a close family member dies. mother-b Efforts need to reassure the child that their love and care will continue.
Mourning Process in Parents
For an adult whose child has died, the post-loss period can feel much more devastating than other mourning situations. In this process, the period of denial and anger in the Kübler-Ross model is experienced much more intensely and longer. This period may be accompanied by feelings of guilt, loneliness and distrust of life. The loss of a child causes more challenging and complex reactions than an adult's reactions to other deaths. The most important thing that relatives and professionals who talk about the loss should pay attention to is that this loss creates a much more intense emotional state than other losses. Therefore, one should not rush the end of the mourning period.
Common emotions experienced by grieving parents:
Guilt and regret are two common and intense emotions. Many grieving parents also experience the Kübler-Ross bargaining period intensely during this period. In particular, the feeling of guilt makes them judge their behavior before or at the moment of death and focus on the desire to change it.
Hopelessness and loneliness are among the common emotions experienced during this period. Parents may feel alone in this process, even within their supportive environments. The issue that needs to be taken into consideration here is again time. During this period, the support of those around you should not be coercive or obligatory. Contact with a family who has experienced a similar child loss may be more supportive during this period.
A state of anger can often occur towards themselves, towards God, and sometimes even towards the dead child. Anger is not always expressed in negative ways. Unlike other emotional states, anger is a much more severe situation in which environmental support is not effective. The reason for this is that there are not only emotional but also neuro-psychological reasons. Therefore, if the anger period is intense, it should be referred to a professional (psychiatrist, clinical psychologist).
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