Cheating is a relationship problem. When there is infidelity, it does not mean that the cheated person is deficient, inadequate or not a good spouse. Cheating is also seen in relationships that are going well.
The process after cheating is like a loss. After the cheating is learned, the person's sense of trust is first damaged and the foundation of the relationship is shaken. The individual story of the person who experienced infidelity, his past experiences, the way he perceives infidelity, his beliefs and thoughts, the quality of the couple's relationship before the infidelity, and his partner's attitudes and behaviors affect the way he experiences the post-infidelity period and its severity.
This period is like an intensive care unit. process. While it is possible to recover from this process in a healthy way, it is also possible to not be able to leave the intensive care unit. On the contrary, cheating does not always end badly as it is thought. If the couple decides to continue the relationship together, sees the relationship problems, solves the reasons and tries together to continue the relationship, they can have a better quality and healthier relationship than before.
This period has its own set of difficulties because the person's sense of trust and beliefs in the relationship have been shaken when they experience cheating. Just like a person in the mourning process who has experienced a loss, stages and intense emotions such as surprise, shock, denial, anger, hopelessness, helplessness, sadness and acceptance are experienced. As a person tries not to think about the events that happened, he may find himself thinking over and over again. Efforts to suppress these thoughts increase them. Pain is an indispensable part of life, and no matter how unpleasant it is, pain, like every emotion, has a limited lifespan. In this process, confronting the pain instead of avoiding it makes it easier to accept it.
Before starting a relationship, the couple often makes an unwritten agreement based on trust. Cheating is a process that breaks this relationship contract, the relationship of trust. If there is no decision about cheating discussed or made before the cheating and there is a crisis moment, future decisions should not be made immediately. After cheating, both parties have losses. The changing order and difficulties experienced by each of them can be seen.
What to Pay Attention to When Cheating Happens in a Relationship rekir?
It is necessary to tell the truth and not lie when communicating. If the person does not feel ready to talk about infidelity, he/she should state that he/she is not ready to talk about this issue.
One should not constantly talk about cheating. It is necessary to talk within certain limits and within certain time periods. It is important not to talk about all the details of infidelity but to focus on the present moment and be able to plan and imagine the future. Yes, there was cheating, maybe nothing will be reset, but when this process is experienced in a healthy way, cheating will not take the whole life under control.
If there is a child, this process should not be reflected on the child, and the child should not be made a party. Explanations should be age appropriate and understandable to the child. Arguments and differences should not occur in front of the child. If this situation is to be explained to extended families; You need to ask yourself whether the privacy of your relationship will be protected, whether they can approach the situation impartially and support you, and above all, what are your goals and expectations when telling family members?
In this process, energy should be withdrawn from the third person and focused on the couple relationship.
In couples who apply to couple therapy with infidelity problems, the relationship with the third party has ended and it is seen that a healthier relationship is possible if both partners make an effort to heal the wounds caused by this process.
Problems must be addressed without being covered up or ignored. By making sense of this event, taking forward steps, accepting it, and resolving the problems experienced in the relationship, the wounds opened over time can be repaired. It is very important for couples who decide to continue their relationship to receive professional support and couple therapy support in order to get through this process in a healthy way.
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