How realistic is love marriage? Why do couples who are in love with each other and get married after a long relationship get divorced in a very short time? Is it true that marriage kills love? Is love enough for a marriage to run healthily?
Love marriage is one of the topics that has been thought about and talked about for years. However, a marriage relationship and a love relationship are very different from each other.
The important point in marriage is to be a "couple".
MARRIAGE IS DIFFICULT
Marriage is a long and difficult journey. It is expected and desired that the person you choose as your life partner will accompany you on this journey and not let go of your hand throughout the journey. Of course, love alone is not enough for a marriage to work healthily.
Loyalty, respect, value, and giving importance to individuality are indispensable for a marriage. When all of these combinations come together, there is a high probability that the marriage will be healthy.
WE SHOULD KNOW OURSELVES FIRST
It is very important for individuals to know themselves, they should know their own wishes and needs well and do this. They should share it with their spouse candidate. During the acquaintance period, these wishes are not expressed but hidden due to the fear of losing the other party or not being understood. After marriage, when couples return to their natural lives, these needs emerge and may create conflict.
Before marriage, people determine an "ideal spouse" profile in their minds and start looking for the person they can place there. This ideal spouse profile usually comes with very high expectations. The other person may also set out with the same expectations. These are unrealistic expectations that tire marriages.
THERE IS NO MATHEMATICS IN MARRIAGE
A marriage of convenience is not enough on its own in marriage. Young people set some criteria for themselves: be rich, have a diploma, be handsome, be romantic, etc. For example, if there are five criteria, when they find the person who meets four of the five criteria, they can determine that person as the ideal mate. However, marriage is a more complex process than expected and there is no mathematics involved in marriage. You can be very unhappy with someone who meets four out of five criteria, or very happy with someone who meets one of five criteria.
THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE "WE"
In a healthy marriage, there is love and spouses are aware of their responsibilities towards each other. Over time, love gives way to love, which is a more permanent and healthy feeling. Marriage is a journey entered by seeing the big picture. There are storms as well as beautiful days on this journey. In such a case, it is necessary to establish a good cooperation in the relationship. In order to establish a good cooperation, there must be personality harmony and marriage skills and maturity must be developed. The important thing is to be "I + You = We". In other words, marriages in which both individuals can experience their individuality and at the same time fulfill their responsibilities as spouses can function in a healthy way.
For a healthy marriage, we must reduce the expectations from the other party to realistic levels. When we reduce our expectations to realistic levels, it is possible to maintain healthy marriages in which love is experienced. The important thing is not marriage of logic or love, but having realistic and healthy marriages.
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