I would like to tell you a little about self-awareness skills. Self-awareness skills are the individual's ability to reduce the impact of distressing thoughts and feelings on himself in his life and to have psychological skills that can keep the way these thoughts and feelings affect his life under control. Self-esteem skills help the individual to reveal the meaningful aspects of his life by allowing him to focus on what is truly important to him. In this way, the individual can engage in activities that will enrich his life.
In fact, this is exactly where lifelong sustainable well-being lies. What I'm talking about is not paying attention to the negative life events we experience, ignoring them, trying to suppress them, or ignoring them. What I'm talking about is changing the individual's relationship with the negative events, thoughts, feelings and behaviors in their life. Developing a perspective in this direction, in fact, accepting the pain that has always existed and will always exist in life, enables building a rich, full and meaningful life with the pain, not despite it. Because no matter how hard we try to escape, pain will always be at the center of life.
We all experience disappointment, illness, death, rejection, dislike, failure, loss. In fact, this is a necessity for survival. As if these were not heavy enough, our minds constantly remind us of past pains and future concerns. So, what do you think life would be like if we stopped and waited, tried to suppress, and ran away from every failure, every illness, every loss, every rejection? I think such a life would be filled with losses. This loss I'm talking about is the loss of ourselves, the loss of our meaningful life, the loss of a rich life. Well, let's think about it this way. What would life be like if we could accept all the pain we experience and do what we need to do even though the pain exists? My answer to this is: This is where a rich life takes place. I can only live the life I want if I do what I need to do despite all the pain that exists in life, if I take steps in line with my values, and if I continue to make the effort necessary to achieve my goals.
&nbs p; So how can we achieve such a perspective? One of the ways to do this is through 'Mindfulness', which we have started to hear frequently lately. Spontaneity actually means being fully in the moment. It means not missing the "now" by thinking neither about the past nor the future. And while being in the moment, it involves being curious about the present, being flexible and open. It requires focusing full attention on the experience that exists in the present moment, rather than drowning in thoughts. Being present in the moment means directing our consciousness to the environment around us and/or to our own internal processes. In this way, we focus on the moment and learn from the moment instead of distracting our minds in the past or future.
One way to live life with pain and change our relationship with pain is cognitive dissociation. Cognitive dissociation means taking a step away from what goes on in our minds, the images and memories in our minds, and watching them from behind. It's like watching cars passing by in traffic. Holding on tightly to our thoughts means moving away from always acting in line with what our thoughts say and realizing that they are just thoughts. In this way, you can do that presentation you need to make, that homework you need to prepare, or whatever action you need to do, regardless of the disappointment you have experienced, the thought 'I am worthless' or the thought 'I will definitely fail tomorrow'. Because these are just thoughts. Your actions, not your thoughts, affect your future.
Perhaps one of the best things we can do to have this perspective I mentioned is acceptance. Acceptance means opening ourselves to experiences and if that experience ends in pain, we can make a place for this pain within ourselves. This means stopping fighting the pain and allowing it to exist (because unfortunately fighting is not a method that allows us to cope with pain). This does not mean loving pain or wanting pain. It just means accepting that pain is a part of life and letting the pain come and go. Because we know that the thoughts we try to suppress are the memories/experiences we try to get rid of. Our children constantly remind us of themselves with a louder voice. The more we try to escape, the more willingly they return to us. But acceptance sets us free.
The last thing I want to touch upon is value-oriented actions. Our values are actually the kind of life we want to have deep in our hearts. An idea that we want to represent in the world is what really matters to us in this short life of ours. Individuals who perform actions far from their values while suffering actually drag themselves into even greater pain. Because it makes your life meaningless and impoverished. Identifying the value areas in your life, accepting painful life events and acting in line with these values is one of the most important elements that will change your relationship with pain.
None of these processes are independent from each other. Developing these skills and applying them in our lives will increase our spontaneity and psychological flexibility. To briefly summarize everything mentioned; The greater our ability to be fully present, to be open to and accept our experiences, and to act in line with our values, the higher our quality of life will be. In this way, we will exhibit more effective behavior when dealing with the inevitable difficulties and problems that life brings.
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