One of the common problems of most families is that their child is undisciplined(!); It is displaying behaviors such as disobeying words, opposing everything, swearing, and damaging things. But it is the mother and father who raise the child and are the main architects in shaping his/her behavior. For this reason, practices at home also show how the child will grow up. There are three types of family attitudes regarding discipline training. The first is a very strict sense of discipline. In this type of approach, parents criticize and punish the child's every mistake and constantly intervene with the child. Since a child who has no margin for error cannot learn to distinguish between right and wrong, he cannot reach the maturity to make his own decisions in the future, cannot take responsibility even when he becomes an adult, cannot defend himself against injustice, and as a result, he has a dependent personality structure. The second type of approach is a very loose understanding of discipline with no rules. In this type of families, "It's a child, he can do it!" Don't interfere with the child, let him do whatever he wants, he will become a coward in the future!” It is common to hear sentences like: A child growing up in such a family will grow up without knowing where he should stand and his responsibilities. The third type of discipline training is inconsistent training. In these homes, while the mother punishes the child in the morning for his or her misbehavior, the father who comes in the evening (Parents can change roles) removes this punishment and prevents the child from learning from his mistake. Or, a child who does the same behavior but is not punished when the parents are happy may be punished harshly when the parents are unhappy. When treated this way, the child asks, “When will I not be punished if I do this?” It adjusts itself according to the question. Inconsistent approaches include methods such as parent pitying the child, being angry at the child, and violence.
Discipline; is to prepare the child for a balanced and healthy life. Discipline teaches the child to distinguish between good and bad, to control himself, to know the limits of his relationships with people, and to have self-control. Discipline should be a part of life, not a method of punishment in emergency situations, as is currently accepted. Only then will it achieve its true purpose. In this way, the child acquires the awareness of democratic living, creativity, responsibility, pragmatism, tolerance as individual characteristics. He will learn and apply these achievements throughout his life.
What should we do and what should not we do to ensure discipline at home?
First of all, we must take the necessary precautions to prevent the emergence of undesirable behaviors. Because it is easier to prevent a behavior before it occurs than to correct it after it occurs. For example; Rather than getting angry at a child who spends time on his computer or phone while studying, after his grades drop or complaints come from the school, it may be a better solution to adjust the environment according to the child and tell him that he should not waste time with technological devices during study hours and that you will therefore remove these devices from his room. Another example; Offering things that will direct your child's attention to another place after you take away the glass vase he/she wanted will reduce long-term crying and save your mother's heirloom vase from breaking.
Search for solutions with your child by developing a common language about the existing problems and find the solutions you find. Apply. Creating possible solutions together with your child who is late for school every morning, evaluating the solutions and choosing the most appropriate one, determining what punishments he will receive if not implemented, and consistently implementing the decisions taken will be more effective in solving the problem.
Break time; Although this may seem difficult, it is a practice that gives results when used correctly and consistently. It is a clear statement to the child that what he is doing is wrong and that he must stop. When the child exhibits a negative behavior, he/she should be left alone in a quiet environment for a certain period of time, indifferently.
Using positive reinforcers; It is used to reinforce your child's positive behaviors and increase their repetition. Verbal reinforcers: These are expressions that honor the child, such as thanking your child, expressing that you like what he/she did, and praising his/her behavior. Behavioral reinforcers: hugging your child, kissing them, etc. Activity-based reinforcers: are reinforcers such as participating in an activity that your child enjoys, allowing an activity that he/she wants, while material reinforcers: such as receiving a gift or giving money, are the type of reinforcers that should be used least because they are the least effective.
End As such, I would like to say that it should not be forgotten that children are influenced by their parents' behavior and imitate them. It would be unfair for children to expect discipline from parents who are disrespectful to their spouses and children and who do not comply with the discipline rules they impose on their children.
See you next week…
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