Marriages usually start with great love and unfortunately end with great fights. People who get married start to see their "spouse" as their "opposite" after a while. In fact, although this situation gives many signals before marriage, people do not want to see them. They have full faith that it will get better on its own. In fact, they think that all of these will be fixed once they get married and move into the same house. The real truth is that if these problems are not solved, they will grow by merging with other problems within the same house.
It is quite natural for two separate individuals to have differences. However, if these differences turn into a tangle of problems, there is something wrong. It is important to identify what is going wrong and fight these problems together. Couples who have problems in their marriage may tend to ignore the problem instead of solving them. In fact, problems can turn into opportunities for couples. Every problem they solve together will increase the bond between couples. It's like starting a job that is uncertain but will finish eventually. What happened in moments of conflict before marriage, how the communication problems were solved, the ability of couples to talk about problems and find common solutions, their behavior in crisis situations, what to do to resolve disputes, etc. It is very important to observe and determine issues such as. In fact, such situations are a silent but previously experienced constitution for couples.
The Reason for the Differences in Behavior Styles in Marriages
Men and women exhibit different behavioral styles in marriages. . Expectations and approaches of spouses turn into reactions depending on their gender. The bottom line is that men and women may tend to react the way society imposes on them. Therefore, the identities that society imposes on men and women affect the way people behave in marriage. Marriage can turn into a power struggle and a competition between men and women. . This situation causes the problems to grow rather than solving them, and the problem may turn into a crisis. In marriages, men; While they attach importance to success and power, women attach more importance to love and communication.
Solution of Problems in Marriages
The most important condition for the solution of the problems is every The reason is that both sides want the problem to be solved and they will contribute to the solution equally. Otherwise, the efforts of one side will not be enough to solve the problems. Couples can offer their own solutions to problems. However, the healthiest situation is to find a common solution together. The solutions found should be evaluated and implemented together. If the solution does not suit one of the couples, a joint effort should be made to find a new solution.
Problems that Damage the Marital Partnership
* Problems in communication
* Problems in resolving conflict disruptions
* Lack of a culture of reconciliation
* Acting in violent behavior
* Problems with the spouses' families
* Addiction problems
* Relationships with friends
* Financial difficulties
br /> * Psychological problems
Marriage and Divorce Statistics
According to the data of the Turkish Statistical Institute (TurkStat) in the 10 years covering the period 2006-2015, Turkey's A total of 6 million 90 thousand 212 couples got married and 1 million 151 thousand 591 couples got divorced. ) increased to 1.69 per thousand in 2015, and the crude marriage rate (the number of marriages per thousand population in a certain year) decreased from 9.17 per thousand to 7.71 per thousand.
When we look at the reasons for divorce, approximately 97 percent of the 131 thousand 830 divorces last year were recorded as "incompatibility". This was followed by abandonment, adultery, mental illness, maltreatment, crime, dishonor and other reasons. While it was revealed that the most dangerous period in marriage was the first 5 years, 39.4 percent of the divorces last year were, In 2006, 42.5 percent of it occurred within the first 5 years of marriage.
� Looking at the statistics, it turns out that the first years are very important for marriage. The first years are the years when couples' relationship types are formed. The attitudes and behaviors they exhibit in the face of the situations that occur while this form of relationship is forming are actually the stage that forms the decision to continue or end the relationship.
Rules for a Healthy Marital Partnership
1- Not cutting off communication in any situation: What couples experience The tendency to not talk about problems is an element that prevents the solution of the problem. Therefore, communication must continue to solve the problem or find methods to reach a solution.
2- Having a strong communication bond: If there is a strong communication bond between the couples, there is no problem that cannot be solved. If the communication channels are open on both sides and a positive communication method is used, the solution will come automatically before the problems occur.
3- Being a good listener: Being an impartial and unbiased listener will sometimes make the person who explains relax. It will help prevent problems before they occur.
4- Getting rid of prejudices: Prejudice is one of the factors that hinder communication. Prejudice is making preconceived notions without allowing the other party to add meaning to the behavior or words to be said by making predictions without the other party's transfer. This situation causes us to see and evaluate events differently than they are.
5- Strong bonds of trust, love and respect: Having a trusting relationship in couples means that a strong bond of love and respect can be experienced in a relationship. It will contribute to faster problem solving.
6- Roles being clear and shared:It is very important that the roles at home are well shared. (Who is responsible for economic matters, who will do the cooking and cleaning work, who will pick up the child from school, who will make the decisions, etc.) 7- Regular sexual life: Regular sexual life brings people closer to each other and brings relationships between them increases the bond. Couples who are close to each other and have a strong bond will look at the problems that will arise in a solution-oriented manner.
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9- If a change is to be made, start with yourself. If we want a change, we need to show it to the other person. That's why we must first start with changes in ourselves.
10- Staying away from judgmental, accusatory and commanding sentences. Instead of these, introduce accepting and loving sentences into your life.
Problems of life It will exist in every phase of every period. What matters is how we want to solve problems.
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