“I have problems with my wife, she doesn't change, how can I change her? ” “If I change my spouse, everything will actually be better.”
“Why is my spouse not the person I want?
Many people who have problems in their marriage think that the source of the problem is only their spouse and that they are responsible for the problem in the relationship. members of unhealthy family structures who compare their own family structures with other family structures say, "Why did this happen to me, even though I don't deserve it?" They experience regrets in their relationships with disaster scenarios such as. With these negative comparisons, positive emotions such as loyalty to the family, effort, sacrifice and patience can disappear for couples when they encounter a problem in their relationships. However, couples also need to think about their own weaknesses and vulnerabilities in their relationships. First of all, you should know this, with your partner. No matter how much you think you have in common, you have more differences.
Because it is not easy for two different people who grew up in two different families to share the same house, create a common living space and meet on a common ground. Because people's habits Their lifestyles, lifestyles and perhaps cultures may be different from each other. People want to bring and apply their own ideas, lifestyles and the life model they see in their own families to their new living spaces. In this way, the person does not feel a feeling of emptiness within himself. In a newly established family, couples are both They may struggle while trying to maintain their habits and adapt to the new structure.
By ensuring the continuity of the relationship against the negative attitudes and behaviors that arise as a result of unrealistic expectations and disappointment in sudden marriages made before they are ready, "After all, it will get better once you get married." There is a high probability of regret in marriages made by saying "
" Because unrealistic expectations and sudden marriages made before they are ready often lead to disappointments. In marriages based solely on love, issues such as the flaws of the spouse and whether they are compatible with the spouse are not taken into consideration. Besides this Having marriages based solely on logic is also a problem. causes it to happen. Only in marriages based on logic, constant attention is drawn to the spouse's mistakes and a constant effort to discipline is seen. In relationships approved by love and logic, communication will be moderate and positive. Couples will listen to and understand each other and be sensitive and careful towards each other even in case of possible problems. Because communication is very important for the foundation of a relationship. It is important. People want to be understood, listened to and approved/accepted by their loved ones.
So what should you do instead of trying to change your spouse?
• Start the change with yourself. Changing one's own reactions to behaviors that one's partner cannot change can have extremely beneficial results.
• Before one of the spouses tries to change the other; He must understand and accept it. Thus, it will be easier for negative behavior to reach resolution through communication.
• Marriage should not be seen as an institution in which only one party should be made happy and constantly flattered. This is the reason why narcissistic personalities cannot experience happiness and satisfaction in bilateral relationships.
• Spouses each other; Learning to respect their differences arising from their family structures, ethnic or cultural origins, education levels, beliefs and values nourishes the love between them.
• During arguments, both parties look at the same event from their own windows, making it difficult for them to understand each other. During arguments, spouses learning to look at events from each other's perspective with the intention of solving problems will help resolve the conflicts between them before they escalate.
• Thanks to pre-marriage education, couples will be aware and prepared of what awaits them in marriage and what they can do when they encounter a possible problem. Pre-marriage education will enable couples to know each other and themselves better, to create realistic expectations about marriage, and to be effective. to communicate and have long, happy and healthy marriages. It enables them to be conscious.
• Finally; Before marriage, which is one of the turning points in life, you should reconsider yourself, your partner and your relationship; It will make you look at marriage more realistically and only ask yourself, "Am I ready for marriage?" You should get married when you can confidently answer the question "Yes". Because in order to find the right spouse, you must first question whether you can be the right spouse. What are your values, limits and needs? While trying to answer such questions, you may discover different aspects about yourself that you did not know. Thus, by getting to know yourself, you will contribute to a healthier and happier marriage.
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