Humans need boundaries in order to exist and to be able to say "I". Creatures in nature, states, individuals fight for borders and even disappear. If there are no boundaries, there will be chaos, uncertainty and tension. If there is a boundary but it is not clear, there is also the potential for conflict.
Marriage or close relationships have a very special position regarding boundaries. It's like; If you cannot say "I in we", that is, if you always say "we" or "always me", trouble in marriage is inevitable. A person wants to express himself and keep alive the pole of free individual-aloneness, and also wants to keep alive the pole of belonging, safe and loyal. While jealousy is, on one hand, an expression of interest and love, on the other hand, it can be perceived as a boundary violation. When one pole is exaggerated, the other pole starts to cause problems. For example, what is the limit of people's hobbies and spending time with their friends? Could the cost of doing everything together at all times be boredom and monotony?
The boundaries of men and women have always been drawn differently legally, religiously, in the upper brain and lower brain. Considering these differences, how useful is it in practice to divide the borders in half and make them equal? In this regard, it seems appropriate to recognize gender differences and draw the line in a culture of compromise and compromise.
According to most women, men should embrace her unconditionally, but on the other hand, when men draw the limits of this ownership, they receive repeated warnings, and the warnings often contain inconsistencies. Because the boundaries that a woman takes as a model are registered in the lower brain - generally the parental boundaries of 30-40 years ago and the collective boundaries of thousands of years. While the upper brain says that men and women are equal, in the first financial crisis, the lower brain begins to judge the man for not being able to support the household. If there is a benefit, the lower brain can use the upper brain when it suits it.
The same situation applies to a man; if he gets a reaction when he wants to adopt someone, or if he earns less money than his wife, the lower brain feels threatened. According to the lower brain, a man earns the living of the house or brings "prey" to the house and gets into trouble when he cannot do this, while the upper brain says "men and women are equal". But the defeat and powerlessness experienced causes tension and anger. Woman's upper brain is tense While judging her husband for her anger and anger, the woman's lower brain reacts to the weak man and becomes tense, and the two tense people begin to have difficulties.
The law also has difficulties in this regard; On the one hand, there is an emphasis on equality between men and women, and in practice, due to the "collective defenselessness" of women, positive discrimination is tried to be made regarding divorce, violence, alimony, etc., but many women who realize this take advantage of this situation and many men become victims in legal conflict situations. My personal opinion on this matter; Positive discrimination against women should be supported, but abuse of this situation should be carefully prevented.
The above examples can be multiplied or discussed. Obviously, due to its special situation, border violations in marriage will continue forever, but the necessary social and state support should be provided to these issues without polarization in good faith, and expert opinions should be taken into account. Education and communication about boundaries and gender differences appear to be at least as important as legal support. Otherwise, after a while, marriages will begin to be lived without trust and romance, with everyone signing agreements.
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