There are 5 love languages according to a classification. Words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch. Within this classification, a person can discover in which area he/she is happier when treated.
The language I want to focus on is physical contact. Especially the expressions of parents I encounter from time to time about touching. I rarely see mothers who do not like touching their children. They do not like tactility, not only towards their child but also in general. That person, somehow due to his or her upbringing, does not like to have very close relationships with people. In general, they can be somewhat harsh and distant people. But what I appreciate most is their ability to express this situation very clearly and honestly. Because it is not easy to say that I do not like touching my child. I know that it was not a malicious behavior in any way. However, I am also afraid that the absence of this contact, which is the basic building block of secure attachment, will create a weakness in the relationship in the future.
Secure attachment is supported by eyes, voice and skin. The system a baby needs consists of exactly these. And the more balanced it is, the more beautiful it will be. There are many children raised by a generation that cannot hug, care or talk. And children feel the lack of emotional satisfaction they experience more when they see their friends' close relationships with their families.
One scene never leaves my mind. The child, who comes to the door of the school with his mother, is hurriedly left and his mother leaves with a goodbye expression. Then his classmate comes with his mother and they kiss and hug his mother and say goodbye. The other child, who is watching this situation, suddenly turns towards his friend's mother and says, "Can you hug me too?"
Some things need to be addressed. His parent may have never hugged him or never expressed love. Ultimately, every parent applies what they know and see. Part of us can understand them, too. But this understanding cannot be an excuse for our own behavior. My mother and father were like this, and when we are told what to do, we can't do it, we find ourselves in a more difficult situation than those parents. Because it is a great injustice to say this at a time when there are so many opportunities and resources. Light will happen.
As always, our path leads to awareness again. Before this whole process, our cognitive processes will be healthy so that we can be aware of things being different or changing.
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