There are also people in our lives with whom we have difficulty getting along and feel angry because they are stubborn, persistent or insensitive. When we look with the naked eye, we only see the bad personality traits he has. We say that person is stubborn, grumpy or passive... But there is something we miss; Every bad or unpleasant behavior has a purpose and a benefit to that person. To see this, it is necessary to look not with the naked eye, but through the glasses of understanding and empathy. The solution-focused therapy approach says that “no one wants to be a bad mother, a bad wife, a bad child, or have bad personality traits. We call the process of discovering the underlying needs and different meanings of behavior "reframing" in solution-focused therapy. The translation of this word, the original of which is 'reframe', does not fit our language perfectly, but it is quite functional. For example, evaluating someone who is angry at him for being insensitive as someone who "protects himself from pain" rather than being insensitive... Or evaluating someone who is passive as "having the ability to accept things as they are"... While the need of a very controlling person may be to structure his environment, the need for a stubborn one may be Someone we see as a bad person may behave this way due to the need to seek his own way. Recognizing the needs of the person we have a problem with is the first step in solving the problem. First of all, realizing that need allows us to understand that 'his stubbornness or grumpiness is not related to me'. When we are having problems, we tend to think that the person is acting that way just to spite us, to upset us. So, we personalize that behavior and feel angry and worthless. However, when we realize that we are not the cause of that behavior, feelings such as anger and worthlessness decrease and are replaced by a search for solutions. One of these solutions is to find different areas where he can meet that need. For example, giving a person with a high need for control tasks in which he/she will have control in a different area will enable him/her to meet that need and thus reduce his/her intervention in the problematic area.
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