Anger is an emotional, intellectual, physical and physiological reaction we give to an event, situation or a person.
Anger can arise for three reasons:
Our negative mood (accumulations about our lives at that time, undesirable events).
Unacceptable behavior of the other person.
Environmental factors (work, traffic, exam, presentation, etc.).
In short, the source of our anger is either us and negative situations about us and /or the events are either an unacceptable word and/or behavior of the other party or the environmental (external) factors I mentioned above. Sometimes our life is going well, we feel good spiritually, and our tolerance and patience in the face of unacceptable behavior seems endless. Sometimes things don't go well and we feel restless and tense. In these and similar situations, we get angry and react very quickly at the slightest negativity.
The most commonly used method to relieve anger is to shout or behave aggressively; slamming the door, throwing something in your hand, pulling your hair, slapping, etc. However, these and similar behaviors can not only scare the other person, but also cause him/her to become angry and ruin the relationship. On the contrary, keeping anger inside, trying not to show it, and being patient are not very useful because anger is like accumulated energy, it shows up in unexpected places, times and ways. If it is not expressed in time, it explodes like a volcano at the slightest undesirable behavior. As a result, while the other person becomes worried and afraid, we feel regretful and guilty.
Anger and rage are difficult emotions to cope with. They are not bad, unhealthy or dangerous emotions per se. What makes anger a problem is not the situation or event itself. Although this may seem like the reason on the surface, the real problem lies in the way we perceive and interpret the event or situation, the thoughts that pass through our minds at that time and the way we express it, that is, our behavior.
The things that make me angry the most?
What do I get angry at the most about my spouse, my children, my family, my surroundings?
What goes through my mind when I get angry, how do I feel?
What do I do when I get angry?
By asking yourself these questions, you can determine the way you experience and express anger. questioning You know…
It is very useful to be aware of what we think, do or can do in moments of anger and to predict these things in advance. In this way, we can control ourselves and be much more careful in our behavior and the words we use. In this way, instead of causing unwanted events by expressing ourselves (our anger) in a destructive and damaging way, if we are aware of ourselves and take precautions in advance, we will protect both ourselves, the other party, and our relationship.
Feelings of resentment and anger, most of them It sometimes coexists with emotions such as anxiety, fear and helplessness. Most of the time, we express our emotions such as disappointment, sadness, anxiety, anxiety, fear and jealousy most frequently and most easily with anger. But often, we show anger to protect ourselves, to cope with the feeling of helplessness created by anxiety and fear. We try to defend ourselves by showing aggression and violence against the feelings of helplessness and worthlessness we experience. Sometimes suppressing our vulnerabilities, disappointments or sadness and turning them into anger feels strong and good for a temporary time. But what we really need to do is to understand the real emotions underlying our feelings of anger and rage.
Dr. Gordon sees anger as an iceberg. Icebergs are masses of ice drifting on the surface of water. The part of icebergs that remains under water is much larger than the part that drifts on the surface of the sea. Thomas Gordon calls the part of the iceberg under water "basic emotions" and the part frozen above water "anger".
Anger; It is the hardened, frozen state of many basic emotions such as curiosity, loneliness, sadness, anxiety, that is, changed shape (turned into anger). When we cannot express or express the underlying emotion, when we repress it, these emotions change shape to the surface and emerge as anger. Dr. Gordon sees anger as a "cold" because it repeats itself over and over again. “We don't like it, but we can't escape it. "We know it, but we cannot prevent it from occurring." Indeed, when we are angry, we say things we do not want to say and behave in ways that we do not expect from ourselves. But, that We can express our anger without shouting, without using violence, without harming ourselves or the other person, and without harming communication and relationships. The important thing is to express our anger, express it with words, and while doing this, to maintain and maintain the relationship and communication.
Our childhood experiences have an important and determining effect on the way we experience our anger, what we feel in the face of anger, and the way we express it.
What would happen to you as a child when you saw someone angry, angry or angry at you?
What would you think?
What would you feel?
What would you do?
How would you experience anger and resentment in your childhood?
How would you express it?
How would you express it?
What would you do when you were angry?
Think about it...
We learn the way we express our anger by taking it as a model in our family system during childhood. If the child witnesses anger, violence and oppression in the home, over time he/she will see and adopt the same behaviors; He learns to express his anger and frustrations in a destructive and aggressive way. In some cases, the child himself is exposed to violence, anger and aggressive behavior, he keeps the fear, anxiety and sadness he experiences inside and withdraws himself... Both of these situations are quite exhausting and destructive for children. In short, if we express anger uncontrollably, it causes serious relationship problems, whereas in the opposite case, suppressing anger and not expressing it paves the way for depression.
When we cannot experience anger in a healthy way and express it, our body gives some reactions:
Acceleration in breathing and heartbeat, increased blood pressure, increased muscle tension, sweating, shaking, facial flushing, yellowing, headache. , dizziness, stomach complaints; pain, nausea and burns, weakening of the immune system, increased risk of getting sick, weakening of memory and thinking processes, sleep problems, sexual problems, decrease in productivity and efficiency, chronic fatigue and reluctance...
Each of us experiences anger in different ways. , we express it... While some of us are calmer and keep it to ourselves, some of us are a bomb ready to explode at any moment. Some of us experience our anger by directing our anger towards something else with the words we use, and some of us shout. Some of us go shopping, some of us go out to eat..
In summary, each of us experiences our anger in different ways, the important thing is to express it correctly. is to be able to express ourselves without harming or damaging ourselves or the other party.
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