A record number of divorce requests were made in the city of Xi'an, where the quarantine declared due to coronavirus ended in China. According to news in the Chinese media, official offices in the capital of Shaanxi province were faced with a busy divorce file after they opened on March 1. A request for divorce was made. According to official figures, domestic violence reported in Hubei province, the epicenter of the coronavirus (Covid-19), in February 2020 increased by 300 percent compared to the same period last year. Experts mention two possibilities for the cause of this increase; The first is the increase in negative emotions and thoughts during the quarantine period, decreased tolerance and increased communication disorder, and severe discord. The second is that pre-pandemic divorce plans are put into practice after the quarantine ends. On the contrary, it is stated that many couples who applied for divorce before the epidemic withdrew their applications. In other words, it can be thought that the quarantine process can improve relations.
Experts talk about two possibilities for the reason for this increase; The first is the increase in negative emotions and thoughts during the quarantine period, decreased tolerance and increased communication disorder, and severe discord. The second is that pre-pandemic divorce plans are put into practice after the quarantine ends. On the contrary, it is stated that many couples who applied for divorce before the epidemic withdrew their applications. In other words, it can be thought that the quarantine process can improve relationships.
While the social isolation process brought about by the epidemic is difficult enough, the addition of problems in relationships can harm you and the future of your relationship. It may be a more preferable alternative to use the quarantine period to get to know your partner better, repair and improve your relationship.
▪So what are the strategies that will encourage you to think and act healthier?
1. Communication
▪The first rule of healthy communication is that how you say it is more important than what you say.
▪You language causes you to be critical and judgmental. We can find hundreds of examples of expressions such as "Pay attention to this, you always do it like this, is that how it's done?" However, what they all have in common is that they involve attack and judgment. The person who hears these sentences goes into defense or counter attack.
▪Healthy I language only allows you to express your feelings and thoughts; Expressions such as "Well, how about you try this, you can try doing this next time, I will be happier if you pay attention to this..." express your thoughts and expectations, but do not aim to hurt the other party.
2. Expectation
▪First of all, think about whether your expectations from your partner are harmful to him and your relationship?
▪Just because he doesn't do something the way you want does not give you the right to judge him. You should use a common living space in a way that both parties will not be harmed and will be happy.
▪Do not expect to be understood without expressing your expectations. Ask, demand.
▪What you do not express can reduce your endurance and cause anger.
3. Focus on the Positive
▪" "He prepared breakfast but made a mess in the kitchen." Ignoring the positive and focusing on the negative can increase your negative thinking capacity and cause pessimism. Expressing this will cause you to be punishing, critical and ignore the efforts of the person you love, making him/her feel worthless.
▪Preparing breakfast can emphasize many positive aspects. He made an effort for you, put in effort, spent time, put things on the table that he thought you would like...
▪So, is the mess in the kitchen a problem that cannot be solved and is the time and way to express it right?
▪I'm sure the answers you will find will not challenge you more than hurting and repairing the person you love.
4. Appreciating
▪Judgmental in situations where you expect him to change. Being in a relationship may cause your partner's feelings and behavior to worsen.
▪A behavior improves as it is applauded. You should show that you notice even the small efforts.
▪ Sentences like "It was finished faster thanks to your help, I was very happy that you did this for me when I was tired, it looks really nice..." to show that your effort is noticed. It will help him/her to continue to work and be able to do more.
▪We all expect to be appreciated, encouraged, to feel valuable and sufficient.
▪Didn't many people complain about not having enough time?
▪Now you have a long time to listen to each other, spend time, and open up to each other.
▪In summary, I will suggest a very simple key to use; Show what you expect to see from your partner first. Don't do things to him that make you uncomfortable for him to do. And first think about what you expect from him and how much you do for him.
▪When evaluated correctly, the social isolation process can be a medicine for relationships.
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