Personality structure is specific and unique to the individual, but due to some similarities, personality structures are divided into some categories. Borderline personality structure, which is one of the Cluster B personality groups, is a structure that appears in every person.
There are some behavioral patterns in Borderline personality organization. These are listed in DSM 5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders):
1- Making frantic efforts to avoid abandonment.
2- Excessive magnification and disdain. Inconsistent and tense interpersonal relationships that go between extremes.
3-Identity confusion.
4-At least two impulsivity that will harm oneself (spending money, sexuality, substance abuse, unsafe driving etc.).
5- Repetitive suicidal behaviors, attempts or intimidation.
6- Inconsistency in affect.
7- A persistent emptiness. feeling.
8- Inappropriate intense anger, difficulty in anger control.
9- Temporary suspicious thoughts or severe dissociation symptoms related to strain.
These nine items If there are 5 or more of them, the individual is diagnosed with 'Borderline Personality Disorder'. Of course, those making the diagnosis must be individuals who have specialized in the field of mental health.
Although many studies have been conducted on the incidence of borderline personality disorder, the general opinion is 2%. It is twice as common in women as in men. Individuals who have a few of the above-mentioned features, but not the five above, in addition to a personality disorder, are called individuals with 'Borderline Personality Organization'. The prevalence of Borderline personality organization in society is 20%.
Borderline Personality Traits and Borderline Love
One in five people will have a Borderline (preoedipal) level at some point in our lives. We are very likely to form relationships with people with borderline personality organization. In other words, there is a reflection of Borderline personality organization in the lives of almost everyone in society. In this article, I will try to explain the love relationship of Borderline personality organization.
Borderline personality organization. The most basic feature of the dance is that it divides into good and bad. They may love and hate some people or objects to extremes. So there are no limits in the relationship. They may show excessive love towards the people they know and go through periods where they think of themselves as the best spouse, lover, mother, father, or friend in the world. However, this situation is not permanent. After a while, this situation will change and the object (person, institution, etc.) will be removed from the good compartment and placed in the bad compartment.
This is how the lives of individuals with Borderline personality organization pass, constantly the position, value and importance of the object in front of them. He/she experiences problems with concepts such as. He has a lifelong struggle with the location of the object. As he cannot adjust this, he does not allow the other party to adjust it, and an intense conflict occurs.
An individual with a borderline personality organization is very worried about being alone and abandoned, and can make a lot of effort to avoid this anxiety. When the relationship of a couple whose relationship is going bad reaches the breaking point, they may try to avoid breaking up by making an extreme effort against the fear of loneliness that this separation will bring, and they may ignore all their principles, values and personality. Since he does not want to be alone, he can constantly establish daily instant relationships, and these relationships keep him away from the feeling of loneliness. These established relationships are far from reality and depth. An individual with a borderline personality organization gives a lot of information to other people in the first meeting. They tell many moments and feelings of their lives to the other person in a short time. The boundary problems he experiences cannot manage to set boundaries that will protect him during the establishment phase of the relationship.
A Borderline individual, who does not hesitate to make extreme sacrifices when necessary in the relationship, will not refrain from actions that will burn all ships and wear out the relationship when he sees any evil in his partner that he does not like.
The difficulties of being a borderline individual's partner manifest themselves in every aspect of life.
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Friend relations
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Social sharing
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Hobbies
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Family relations etc.
Inconsistent demands in relationships similar to the issues above negatively affect both the individual and his environment. As a result of these demands, serious relationship problems occur. Lost friends, changing social environment and worn out life may be the price of the relationship with these people. Requests such as "I don't want you to meet that friend of yours, all the people in your family are bad, I don't want them in our lives, you won't go to those places I said" are frequently expressed.
The only way to get rid of all these inconsistencies is to receive psychotherapy. Therapy will benefit both the Borderline person and the Borderline person's partner. Couple psychotherapy does not contribute sufficiently to the relationships with these people. Because Borderline personality disorder is a personality structure. Changing this personality structure can only be achieved through individual psychotherapy. Receiving psychotherapy contributes to the partner's understanding of his role in this relationship dynamic and his ability to cope with the situation.
Unless the borderline individual receives psychotherapy, these bipolar thoughts in his life constantly change places and accompany him. One day he may classify his spouse as the best person in the world, and the next day he may classify him as the worst individual in the world. This relationship dynamic continues unless psychotherapy is received. For this reason, receiving psychotherapy is of great importance for the individual with Borderline personality organization.
Individual with Borderline Personality Disorder in the Family
The prevalence of Borderline personality organization in society is 20%. We mentioned it before. Since this percentage shows that one in every five people is Borderline, it will not be difficult to see such people in our family and relatives.
Family ties are a bond that cannot be broken easily and is very difficult to replace. Family structures with borderline personalities become constantly chaotic, inconsistent, unstable and tiring. It causes the individuals within the family to deteriorate with each other or as a whole.
Continuous family fights, incompatibilities with relatives, endless aggression and imbalance are common symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder in family relationships. Considering that borderline personality organization is based on the relationship between mother and child, this situation may be intergenerational. It should be taken into consideration that borderline individuals are transitional and may continue for generations.
Borderline individuals need to be nurtured socially, they may feel emotionally deprived and inadequate from time to time, so it will be good for them to support them in the field they are interested in. They don't exactly want to be bored, nor do they want to be left alone. However, they often experience emotional changes. They expect you to experience the opposite of the emotional state at the same time. When you are angry, you should be calm; when you are calm, you are angry. This is a pathological situation. While not being able to express one's own feelings towards oneself, taking the attitude of waiting for the other person to understand and resolve them is a situation that can frequently be seen in Borderline Personality Disorder.
Loving a borderline person is a situation that requires intense patience and effort. Over time, the person who loves will begin to have Borderline thoughts (thoughts experienced at the extremes, all bad, all good). It is very important to consult with an expert on how to deal with these situations
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