Loss and death can be a difficult process to understand for people of all ages. This process, which is very different for everyone, should be evaluated by taking into account their developmental periods, mental and spiritual processes, especially for children.
Children in the 0-2 age group; They cannot understand concepts related to death. They realize that their relatives who were always around them are no longer there, but since they cannot yet establish the representations of the people around them in their inner world, they cannot distinguish between death and separation. In other words, the child feels separation but does not understand the permanence of death. They may long for the smell and voice of the dead person, but it is not possible for them to understand that the dead person will not come back. The reactions given at these ages show that humans first make sense of separation in their psychological development.
Children aged 2-6 have a limited and vague understanding of death. They may still not understand that death is a permanent situation. For example; The child, who was unresponsive to the death of his relative, saw a dead bird in his garden and asked, "Is this what you call dead?" he might ask. And he may feel the urge to put the bird on the tree again and again. The most important reason for this is that they have magical beliefs. That is, they think that they can do many things if they pray and wish enough. They think that they can revive a dead person.
Children aged 6-9 begin to develop a distinct perception of death. During this period, the concept of time is learned and this is an important factor in the child's understanding of death. They know that the dead person will not come again, but they do not associate death with themselves. They do not think of themselves as mortal. During this period, the child may have dreams containing death themes. When a relative dies, he or she may grieve like an adult. Changes in sleeping and eating habits and bedwetting problems may be observed. However, children who are spiritually supported in the first years of life and who grow up in a safe environment can overcome these periods more easily.
Children in the 9-12 age group; are very advanced spiritually and mentally. The distinction between death and separation becomes completely clear at this age. There is a theoretical interest and curiosity about death at this age. exceeds. The child tries to understand what is happening. He becomes convinced that something can happen to every living creature. But the most difficult part of this period is facing the possibility that a parent or loved one may die. This possibility makes children uneasy. It may lead to nightmares and fear development.
Children aged 13-18; With the mental, physical and sexual development of adolescence, the child begins to react to death as an adult. During this period, adolescents enter into a kind of questioning about their own existence and life. They begin to make more philosophical inquiries about death. They direct these questions to adults. Parents should answer their children's questions with interest and sincerity. Preoccupation with death can also increase fear of death. Adolescence is a period in which childhood experiences are reexamined. The pain of childhood losses may be felt again. It would be beneficial for parents who are having difficulty during this period to seek help from an expert.
As can be understood, death information for each age is different. Developmental characteristics should be taken into account when answering children's questions about death or when giving the news of death to the child. General principles to be considered when giving death news to a child can be listed as follows:
1. It should not be at an inappropriate time, but at a calm time when the child is ready.
2. The child's communication attempts should not be blocked and his questions should not be left unanswered.
3. Disclosures must be made honestly and clearly. Complex expressions such as “he is no longer with us” “he is gone” will confuse the child even more.
4. In particular, explanations regarding sleep should be avoided. Expressions such as "he fell asleep and will not wake up anymore", "he fell asleep for a long time" may cause sleep disorders in children.
5. If you have lost a family member or relative after the disease process, using expressions such as "they got infected, got sick" may develop an obsession with cleanliness in children.
5. It is important to reassure your children that life will get back in order.
Remember; Even if people are children, they are more afraid of what they do not know. If you reinforce the uncertainty in your child's mind in order to protect him, he will become deeper. You may cause fear. The ideal way to protect the child is to give him age-appropriate explanations and eliminate uncertainty. Grief processes are difficult for parents and adults alike. It will be beneficial for your family to get professional help to overcome it more easily.
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