From the day we are born, we write our life adventure by making sense of our physical sensations, relationships, and experiences and adding them to ourselves. While we think long and make decisions in the beginning, our behavior accelerates and becomes automatic as time goes by. We acquire habits, thought and behavior patterns..
So, do we make better decisions as we get older? Doesn't it happen that our experiences mislead us? Are our thought patterns as accurate guides as we think? Could it be that it is precisely these established thought styles that sabotage our lives and relationships?
I am unlucky.. (labeling)
Women / men are all the same, we live in a world of interests.. (generalization)
If my loan is not approved, I will be devastated, I cannot pay this debt in my life.. (catastrophizing)
They invited my sisters but they did not invite me, she does not like me. (personalization)
He liked the work I did, but because the others' work was not very good.. (double standard)
If you think about this thought or similar ones and believe it, and shape your behavior accordingly, your experiences are too much. It may contain cognitive errors.
Life is shaped on the axis of thought-emotion-behavior. In other words, thoughts reveal emotions, emotions reveal behavior.
Since our emotions are shaped by our thoughts, generalizations and catastrophizing upset us. It is inevitable that mind reading and personalization will lead our lives to the feeling of deep regret and guilt, and that double standards will overshadow our positive feelings about ourselves. While we harbor so many intense negative emotions within us, it will not be possible for our behaviors to be natural, close and appropriate to the situation.
Our plans to change our lives often focus on behaviors that we think are problematic... stopping late night snacks, quitting smoking, being more organized, seeing our friends more often, etc. However, every behavior helps regulate an emotion, that is, it meets a need. Before changing the behavior, we can start by answering the questions "Which emotion am I overcoming in this way?" "Which emotion pushes me to this?" If it is disappointment, regret, resentment, etc., the answers we give to the questions "I wonder what was going through our minds at that moment?" "Could this be a cognitive error?" "What are the alternative thoughts of this situation?" may take us to the starting point where we decide on the behavior, where we can control the behavior more easily. .
Even though it may sound incredible or exaggerated, change your mind and your life will change. Instead of people being bad, some people are bad just like some people are good. Instead of failing, I will do my best. I have dealt with similar situations before. How does it make you feel to think that some misfortunes can happen to me, just like everyone else, instead of things like this always happen to me? Do your behavioral cycles with these feelings remain the same?
We first construct our lives in our minds, and from there we carry them to the outside world. We can rewrite our story by stretching a few patterns in our minds..
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