Family is one of the basic building blocks of society. For the child, it is the most natural environment where he receives love, affection and care. If some problems in the marriage cannot be resolved, a divorce decision may be taken. The decision to divorce is a serious process that will change the lives of two adult people. However, if the person who is going to divorce has children, their lives will also change in the same way.
Telling the child about the divorce is one of the most difficult parts for parents. The child should not be told anything until the divorce decision is finalized. It would be much more correct for the mother and father to explain this decision in as simple and understandable terms as possible, without criticizing or blaming each other, and for the mother and father to say it together when telling the child about this decision. After the decision is announced, it should be stated that the child is not responsible for this situation. In addition, telling the child that the mother and father will always be with him and will continue to love him creates a sense of trust in the child. It should not be forgotten that each child is different in coping with the divorce process. While some children get over it easily, others go through a difficult process.
To explain with an example how to tell the child… “You, your mother/father and I will not live in the same house anymore. This is because the relationship between your mother/father and I is not going well anymore. We want you to know that this situation is not about you. We will always continue to be in your life as your mother and father. The only thing that will change in your life is that you will now have two houses instead of one. If you have questions about this topic or want to share your feelings with us, we would love to hear from you.”
The dissolution of the family can have both negative and positive effects on the child. If there was constant conflict and unhappiness within the family before the divorce, it would be much healthier for the child to end this process. A healthy relationship with two parents, stability within the family, or less contact with the problematic parent not only improves the child's living environment but also positively affects his or her well-being.
The fact that the divorce process is painful is an indication that the process will be difficult for the child as well. is. Unhealthy behaviors such as blaming each other and saying bad words can create anger in the child, and it is possible to observe depressive symptoms such as feeling guilty, decreasing school success, feeling worthless, and constantly crying. However, in the early days after the divorce, the child may have a fear of losing his/her parents or being alone. In addition, if the child does not receive the necessary support, he may experience negative effects such as poor self-perception, loss of self-confidence, timidity and late socialization as a result.
So, what should parents do to prevent the child from being negatively affected in this process?
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Parents should act consistently in order to minimize the uncertainty and feelings such as anxiety and anxiety that divorce brings.
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Mother and father should not use the child as an intermediary in discussions between them.
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The child should never be forced not to be a party in this process.
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He should be encouraged to talk about his feelings and thoughts about this process.
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If the child thinks that the mother and father will reunite, it should be clearly explained that this will not happen. and in this way, the child's disappointment should be prevented.
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The child should be told the reason for the divorce in an appropriate language and without being detailed, so that the child does not see himself as responsible for the divorce and get negative emotions.
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Most importantly, after the divorce, both parties should establish a quality relationship with the child and not forget their parenting roles.
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