The real self begins to develop when the parents understand the unique characteristics of the child's self, which begins to emerge during the first three years, and react to them in a positive and supportive manner. When parents try to know and understand their child, respect their innate temperament, and accept their uniqueness, this enables the child's true self to emerge. The child's unique style and attitude that express his individuation should be encouraged during his adventures that will enable him to assert his experimental and exploratory self-claim with reality. For example; If a child prefers to fly the car while playing, be able to accept this and say, "The car is not flown, it is driven on the ground." like not correcting him by saying. The development of the true self consists of the child's innate genetic structures, his interaction with his loving and caring parents, and his ability to cope with his environment.
According to Masterson, the child is in the separation-individuation phase (between 18-36 months). The capacity to emotionally perceive and examine his mother and father as a whole, with both their good and bad aspects, to maintain the relationship despite the disappointments encountered, and to preserve his mother's image even in his absence, begins to develop. Self-capacity continues to develop until the end of adolescence. This developing self-capacity consists of affective spontaneity and liveliness, self-activation, maintenance of self-esteem, calming of painful emotions, assertiveness, creativity, and intimacy. The real self continues to be open to changes later in life.
Failures in parental functions during this period may cause disorders in the development of the self and a false self may develop. For example; Overprotective, interventionist, critical, overly normative, punitive, oppressive, neglectful or success-expecting parental approaches can lead to the prevention of the development of the child's true self. In the treatment of personality disorders, the person is enabled to discover his true self by realizing the destruction caused by these parental approaches.
People come to therapy to feel good about themselves. Negative experiences they have had so far They develop defense mechanisms to avoid being affected. These defenses may appear in the form of actions such as excessive substance use, inappropriate sexual experiences, computer or gambling addiction, overeating, excessive sleeping, and anger uncontrollability. Apart from these, people may use one or more of the defense mechanisms such as suppressing emotions, denying the truth, excessive rationalization, avoidance, and changing direction. However, when the person realizes the defense mechanisms, which is a goal of the therapy process, and begins to confront his emotions, the depression that the person has been avoiding until now emerges. People often develop defense mechanisms because they feel that they cannot cope with feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, emptiness, hopelessness, helplessness and inadequacy.
The thought of revealing their true self can excite that person, but also make them anxious. For example; What the person actually wants to do may be to live at home away from his or her family. But when he wants to do these things, his feelings of inadequacy may arise and he may avoid going home. He may go back and forth in the process of finding his true self. For example; When a person can go to a separate house, he becomes happy and enjoys life, but he can avoid facing the world alone. Or this person may sometimes want to return home, even though they have discovered that they are happier when they are away from home. Taking responsibility and doing what one wants means revealing one's true self. The important thing is that the person can stop his defensive false self and have the courage to do what he wants despite feeling anxiety.
It is very important for the person to give himself the chance to discover his true self in order to live a happy life. p>
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