The task of educating the child in order to set age-appropriate rules for the child, teach the desired behaviors, gain habits, and ensure that the child obeys the rules is called discipline.
The fact that discipline is often thought of as punishment causes it to be ignored in families with a child-centered structure. However, discipline is not a punishment, but a set of rules. The first and safest place to learn the rules is family. If the child has not learned to obey the rules at home, the place where he will learn this is the school environment. The school environment may not always be loving and supportive. This may damage the child's self-confidence development and cause him to exhibit negative behavior.
Discipline is effective when accompanied by unconditional love. A child who knows that he is loved and accepted by his parents under all circumstances, no matter what he does, does not react to discipline methods. In children who cannot receive unconditional love, the child constantly rebels against authority and does the opposite of what is said.
Rules should not only be applied when the child exhibits inappropriate behavior or disobeys, but should be applied under all circumstances. Rules should belong to the behavior, not to the person making the rules. If the mother has made a rule that chocolate can be eaten after the meal is finished, this rule should be applied not only when the child is with the mother but also with other people (such as father, grandfather, aunt).
When determining the rules…
When determining the rules, the child's age, skills and personality characteristics should be taken into consideration. Not every child may have the same skills at the same age. First of all, the skills of the child's current age should be examined and compared with the skills the child has. While the skills he or she has difficulty doing can be supported, what he or she can do can be made a rule. For example, making this behavior a rule for a child who has difficulty folding his clothes and expecting him to comply with it will not be beneficial and will damage the child's self-confidence.
Instead, while the ability to fold his clothes is developed with support, on the other hand, if he can make his bed, this behavior can be made a rule and expected to comply with it. . Concrete rules make it easier for the child to show the expected behavior. For example, the child's regular routine Instead of waiting for the child to be tidy, it will be more useful to concretize the concept of being tidy and translate it into behavior (such as making the bed, hanging his clothes on the hanger).
In order for the rules to become a habit and for the child not to forget what he needs to do, parents can make a list of the behaviors they expect from the child and hang it on the wall of his room. . For example, when you wake up in the morning, wash your hands and face, make your bed, brush your teeth, collect your toys, hang your clothes, and pack your bag before going to bed. In this way, the child can follow the tasks to be done every day from the list.
How should the rules be explained?
The parents should determine the rules together and explain them to the child together. If the child can read and write, the rules can be written down and the whole family can talk about the rules together. It would be unfair to explain all the rules to younger children and then expect them to comply with them. Because young children can forget most of what is said.
Explaining the rules in a positive way is one of the factors that make it easier to comply with the rules. Telling the behavior to be done in command sentences may cause the child to exhibit contrary behavior. Telling the child, "If you don't do your homework, you can't play with the computer" means the same thing as saying, "When you finish your homework, you can play with the computer." While the first sentence feels like a punishment, the second sentence feels like a reward. Positive expression makes it easier to comply with the rules and also supports child-parent communication.
Time to make rules
The need to make rules arises as the child begins to crawl. The child who begins to crawl, with the urge to explore his surroundings, rummages through cabinets, empties drawers, and engages in behaviors that may put him in danger. In this case, the most common method used by parents is to say "don't do it" or even shout and get angry. Instead, for young children, say "No, it can't be done" and take the necessary precautions (such as hanging locks on the cabinet doors, removing items that may endanger the child's life out of reach), and as the child gets older, apply the rules to the child. It is necessary to get rid of it.
One of the important factors that ensure compliance with the rule is punishment. However, instead of encouraging the child to learn and learn from his mistakes, punishment causes anger to accumulate within the child. The punished child thinks "I am bad". However, when he is allowed to experience the natural consequences of his mistake, he receives the message that his behavior, not his personality, is inappropriate.
The most effective way to learn and teach the rule is to reward. However, rewarded behavior is repeated and reinforced.
The reward method can be used at all age levels. While more concrete rewards (such as candy, wafers) are used at younger ages, using fun activities (such as going to the cinema, to a match, playing games together) as rewards becomes effective as the age increases. When determining rewards, it is important that the reward to be used is valuable for the child and not easy to obtain. At this point, rewards can be determined together with the child. This makes it easier to motivate the child to obey the rules.
When the reward to be used is determined as an activity that the child will do with his/her parents, both the child and the parents will enjoy it. Thus, the concept of "discipline" ceases to refer to authority and punishment and enables family members to live a harmonious and enjoyable life with each other.
Another point to consider is that the reward is for concrete behaviors. The child must know clearly what the behavior is expected from him and what he will get as a result, so that he can perform that behavior. Just as a salesperson clings to his job more tightly when he knows how much bonus he will receive after making a sale, children also comply with that rule more easily when they know that they will win as a result of their behavior.
What should they do and what should they not do?
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When disciplining, the parents' duty is not to be an authority, but to guide the child.
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Parents should also implement the behaviors they expect from the child.
If the child is expected to brush his teeth, the mother The father should also set an example for the child by brushing his teeth.
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It should be clearly explained what behaviors are expected from the child.
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The behaviors expected from the child depend on his age and age. It should be appropriate to their personality characteristics.
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Parents should determine the rules together and tell them to the child together.
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Positive expressions when explaining the behaviors expected from the child. should be used.
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Except for very special situations (such as death, one of the parents leaving home, serious illness), the rules should be fixed and the child should understand that his parents are determined and consistent on this issue.
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The reward method should be used to make it easier and permanent to comply with the rule.
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It is appropriate to get angry, shout at the child, request and even beg him to comply with the rule. It is not. Instead, parents should just remind the child of the rule. It should be the child's choice whether to follow the rule or not. However, he should be rewarded when he obeys the rules, and he should experience the consequences when he does not.
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