In order for their child not to fall behind and to live a successful life in every aspect, parents try to compare and encourage their child by giving an example to a more successful child. Although this is completely well-intentioned, frequent comparisons lead to serious problems that will affect our adulthood.
Height and weight are compared during infancy. During the school period, social behaviors such as success in classes, regularity or sleep patterns are usually compared. How does a child feel when he sees himself being compared to a more successful child? First of all, he will feel inadequate. The self-confidence of a child who feels inadequate may be shaken. These first reactions lead to other negative behaviors and emotions in a chain.
This behavior of the parents affects the child's view of his friends. You will first receive this love from your child, who is just starting to socialize and trying to improve his relationships with his friends. Since the children he is compared to are also his friends, the embarrassment he feels towards them may make your child afraid of socializing. As he moves away from his friends, he becomes unhappy and starts to get jealous of them. The child, who believes that there is something lacking in him, becomes angry, resentful and irritable, first towards himself and then towards his family. It shows discord and aggression. Or he hides these reactions and grows up as an introvert, shy individual with low self-esteem. Focusing on your child's bad behavior and showing exemplary behavior through another child will never lead your child to acquire it, even if he is hungry, this behavior occurs under the pressure of comparison.
Comparison can cause irreparable damage to the child's future. Your child says, "They don't understand me." If he thinks so, he may spend his whole life in a state of discord with society. No matter how much he wants to, he will never be successful or accepted by everyone. He learned that life is a comparison. He will regard every person he encounters as either superior or inferior to himself. If the mood he is in does not push him to punish his parents, he tries to satisfy them and breaks away from his own story. He may trap himself in a virtual world, living only for approval. . He tries to portray himself as someone he is not. This effort may make him forget who he is, and he may make the mistake of defining his own character only through the impressions he gives to people. No matter how good he is, as long as he makes comparisons, he will think that there is someone better than him, and this creates an inextricable state of unhappiness.
When comparison is done correctly, it can lead to the development of your child's abilities. To do this, you must first accept that everyone is one and only, and show your child that he or she is special and that the love you give him/her does not depend on his/her success or any conditions. There are individual differences among everyone. Every child has special abilities that need to be developed. There is no rule that failure seen in childhood will continue in the future. Even if your child does not have a particular talent or ability, there is nothing he cannot do with disciplined work and passion.
In any case, you should not compare your children with anyone. The child can only be compared to himself. Making money, gaining fame and reputation, or making comparisons in terms of success achieved as a result of efforts made for individual pleasure will cripple the child's perspective on life. However, everyone is one and only. You should teach him that he should live a unique life rather than trying to achieve the values and meanings determined by others, and that the important thing is to add a new one to his knowledge and experiences every day.
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